I just had to quickly write up (lies it took a week) this post because I have noticed quite a few people lately have been going through some awesome transformations, change and personal growth through their life and I thought they might like a little guidance.
Some people may be curious so I thought this might be a good read for those who are feeling some kind of change in the winds, you might just be curious and be pulled to it, if so, take from it what you need and don’t forget I am always available for a chat with anyone, about anything!
First off: Why are we so resistant to change?
Our whole life, ‘change’ has grown on us like a disease.
We were told growing up by friends or family, “you’ve changed”, and it probably came out in a negative way, they may have been spiteful when they said it, “I feel like I don’t know you anymore”..
People may have ridiculed you, your personality, your values, your opinions and made you feel like being anything other than the way you ‘were’ or ‘are now’ is BAD.
Change and growth is normal, so why have we as a society grasped the mentality that “things shouldn’t change, change is bad”?
We constantly try to hold on to things, people, places, or parts of ourself that keep us tied down in a world that is constantly spinning.. it’s not healthy.
Change is amazing, and it happens whether you pay attention or not.
Can you imagine you were still in the exact frame of mind as when you were aged 13/14.. no..
Sure you remember “being” there through your experiences as a teen, but there is no way you have not changed since then. Do you still chase boys around like they are the most important factor to your life? (some people may!:p ) Do you still think your parents suck and put rules on you for no reason? Do you still dress the same, speak the same, eat the same.. probably not.
It’s likely that over time you have changed things about yourself, these are good. We are maturing.
The only thing that stays the same is that sense of being “there” in your memories, that internal voice is still the same (but probably a lot wiser than when you were 13, you can probably make better choices now.. we hope!).
We have and continue to be unknowingly influenced in so many ways by society, the media and life itself. We are deeply affected by what we see, hear, the emotions we feel, things we touch and by what we hold true to our hearts. We are constantly being told what we should or shouldn’t be doing, saying, feeling, being. We’re told how we should be living, how to be the perfect parent, the perfect lover, how to do things the right or wrong way, what we should/n’t be eating, we are told how to feel, how to think, how to be.
Are you seeing it now? Even this now, I am enlightening you as to what’s really going on, and do you have to listen and be influenced by what I’m saying? Certainly not! It is up to you to decide what information and changes you allow and which you don’t.
9 Signs That You’re Preparing For A Big Change
How to know it’s time to move on with your life..
1) You may feel an internal sense of knowing that things are changing, and that you are meant for something bigger and better.
And yet you probably have no clue what that is, you just know.
There is more out there for you, you just need to find it.
You personally, are growing and maybe you just don’t connect with others any more. It may not interest you to participate in the mundane activities or do xyz with friends any more, as you realise that you too, are important. You are going through an important transition in your life and you feel the need to focus on yourself and really take care of you for once and find out what life is all about.
You may have been trying to write or make goals for yourself.
Great! You may have been writing mental lists of things to achieve in life that you think will make you happier, whether it be money, love, a job.. this means you are being pro-active, you want things to change, you are asking for things to change.
Now here’s the hard part, these ‘things’ will not come to pass unless you 1) ask for them, 2) get an answer 3) receive it.
Umm.. what? Check out the video “The Secret” it will truly change the way you think of life.
Ever wanted to know how you can get exactly what you want out of life?
Watch the Secret, it’s all about the Law of Attraction.
Everything you think, feel and say will come to pass if you truly believe it, and you feel it in your whole body. Ever wanted to flip through a catalogue for your life and pick out what you want? What if I told you, you can? Watch it!! No really!!
If you’ve been struggling in achieving your goals it may be that you don’t fully trust yourself yet, and that’s okay, it does not happen over night!
Try and write a list again today, but this time, do it with intent.
“I am going to do this.. xyz..” “ I will do this” .. and really hold that sense of already having achieved it close in your heart and mind, feel it.
Do not doubt yourself or your abilities, if you do, this is where you will start to go backwards into negative thinking habits that can be really self destructive if you don’t realise you’re doing it.
Don’t talk about why you don’t have this and that, don’t talk about or think about the negative things in your life.. because when you lose sight of your gratitude in life, it all goes backward.
You literally put out messages when you say negative things- “be careful what you wish for, you just might get it”.
You CAN do it, you absolutely can.
Keep learning, keep motivating yourself and surround yourself with the right people.
2) You may have a deep sense of failure or unsatisfaction with your current life.
“I thought that by the time I was 20 I would be doing ..xyz..”
“I thought by the time I was 40 I would have/done/seen/gone…”
Sure you may be happy, you may even have a perfect job, an amazing loving partner, a nice house.. but there may still be that niggling, rushed feeling that time is running out and you’re still unsatisfied with your life in itself.
It’s almost like a panic, “What am I doing with my life? What does it all mean? What’s the point?”
You may feel like you did everything you were supposed to do, but you do not feel the way you thought you would once you’d achieved or gained what you wanted out of life eg. Material things, big family, career..
You’re left with a deep sense of dissatisfaction with your life..
You still feel lost .. what the hell.. but you’re not sure why.
This means… you’re preparing yourself for a big change, you’re probably about to do a big shift of your current reality.
You may still feel a little hollow, like there’s more out there in life for you but you just can’t connect with it on some level.
That’s okay, because if you allow it, and you choose to roll with it, you will be so fulfilled, happy and flourishing that you (and others) wont even recognise yourself.
A whole new you, get excited!
3) You may have lost the interest in the opinion of others, or you don’t really care what people think of you anymore, great!
You’re already making changes! When we journey to find ourselves, our purpose or whatever it is that we’re so blindly searching for, and we begin to love and accept ourselves and understand our self worth we begin to care less about judgement from other people.
It’s almost like “I’m trying to find myself, I don’t really care about anything else, not your opinions or judgements, I don’t need your negativity.”
It’s a time for deep reflection, a time for focus, a time for change, a time for moving to bigger and better things.
4) You find yourself getting a bit bored.. and then in time.. YOLO
A craving to Feed your inner child.
All this time you may have forgotten “who you are” or “what you truly love”, so when you find yourself alone with time to spare you’re not really sure what to do with it.
Friends, jobs, school, TV or whatever has pretty much been occupying your whole life. We have been influenced our whole lives in so many different ways that we hardly crave to do the things we truly want to, simply because they’ve been buried under bad experiences, judgement from others, or the need to conform to society..
Whatever the reasons- now you might find yourself at a loss, and truly bored, with the need to do something, anything at all that will satisfy this weird longing or craving for adventure you have.
You can get what your heart desires the most and it is as easy as being aware of yourself, your presence on this earth in your mind as a being (which you can read more about here), loving, trusting and believing in yourself and knowing how the law of attraction works.
Here’s what you do to ease those bored times as you’re exploring and finding your self- do what you want!!!
There’s no better time to start loving yourself and getting in touch with yourself than right now.
Self indulge, treat yourself without guilt. We often forget the simple pleasures in life like getting out in nature (even if it’s laying on a rug on your lawn) and connecting with ourselves.
Not that kind of person? Not YET, 🙂 In time on your journey through change you will find yourself drawn to the beauty of the world.
What did you do for fun and leisure as a child? Go for a bike ride, a walk, to the park, to the beach, go karting, jumping on trampolines.. swimming.. painting..dancing .. find your creative and artistic self.
Do those things you may ‘think’ or ‘feel’ are silly, do the things people might judge you for doing.. you don’t want to miss out on the opportunity of you feeling that pure joy of doing something that you actually, really feel like doing!
Picture in your head now, the feeling you get when you used to go on a swing at the park how your stomach dips, when you would dance without a care or when you’d go for a swim at the beach.. the feeling is good right(mostly good :P)?
So why deny yourself of these things, due to a random floating feeling or thought that has no purpose at all..?
When is the last time you put headphones on, found a space you were certain no one would bust in, cranked the music and just let your body go and danced without a care in the world?
Let go of the thoughts, “I don’t know how to dance, I can’t dance..”, just believe you can, and let the music flow through you. It doesn’t matter what it looks like, close your eyes and just move however you feel like moving, I did this for the first time in…. lets say the last time I was 10.. and man, it was so amazing, I felt energised and free after. Try it!
Feed your inner child.
5) You start sticking up for yourself and what you believe in..
You just want to share it with everyone, you want everyone to be on the same level as you.
You may lose friends as you go through changes in your life, and move up to a more positive frame of mind. This is because we learn to let go of all the things that no longer serve our greater good.
When things are about to do a back flip in your life you may notice that you become more ‘grounded’, you may have a better sense of what you know to be right and wrong, and you’re not afraid to stick up for it any more.
This can be in relation to many areas we have covered already, i.e. it may be your personal self that you stick up for, you may not want to do activities for the sake of it any more, you may start going to do things that you really want to do that you feel society may judge or ridicule you for, you may stand up for your values and beliefs, believe me, it’s for the best. Go with what you feel.
You’re finally choosing to believe in yourself and understand that things are changing, and you are accepting it!
Other people may not like it.
Friends, families, partners have been accustomed to ‘who we are’ or who they perceived us to be. But as we go through personal changes, we are the only ones who can see the full extent of the change, others will see what they want to see- whether they think you hate them, they think you’re too stuck up or good for them, that you’re going crazy and you’re a completely different person now.. Well congrats to them, because you are exactly the same person as you always have been, you’ve simply chosen to love yourself and embrace life, and they probably have not.
People will see it, it is 100% noticeable when someone is awakening and finally living their own life.
I’ll tell ya now, some people will not like this “new you” that has come out of nowhere, they’ll tell you “you’ve changed, you’re different”.. you might not be pushed over as easy, you may have found the power to say no, you might start telling people when they’ve offended you or maybe you’ve just suddenly grown to realise that you don’t relate with your friends any more.
It’s okay, it doesn’t have to be a bad thing, don’t let the thought of losing people and change scare you back into your old self destructive patterns.
Though at the time it may seem horrible if you can tell that a friendship or relationship is coming to an end, here’s where you need to trust that intuition, know that it is no-ones fault, you are simply choosing to embrace and accept positive changes.
You will make new friends, amazing new friends, and these friends that come into your life will be on ‘your level’.
You may crave to be around positive people, people who are loving and accept you for who you are, people who encourage and motivate you to be the best you, people who you find you are drawn to and really relate to.
These friendships are so fulfilling, watch your face book news feed go from being about complaining, new things people want or bought, sadness, greed… and it will change to be full of people that are uplifting, constantly motivating and supporting one another. Not only will your ‘news feed’ change, but so will your life, your thoughts and awareness of your self, it is such a positive time, learn to love it!
Now THAT is something you want, it helps you keep that positive frame of mind and really puts everything you’ve been through in life to a new perspective, let it go.
Don’t dwell on the past or the sense off loss for your old life/self, amazing things are coming.
Please, do not feel guilt, there is nothing wrong with you, a real friend will accept these huge, positive changes in you. A real friend will see you glowing, and will commend you on how well you’re doing.. they may also want a piece of the action so enlighten them.
A real friend will not judge you no matter what. You’ve probably seen these phrases everywhere, so why haven’t you been listening? Why have you been holding onto these people or things for so long? What is your reason?
If you’ve been thinking for a while about change, and your ‘friend’ doesn’t seem to fit in with who you are now then so be it.
So be it.
To move forward we need to let go of past insecurities, negativities and anything that has been holding us back, and yes that includes EVERYTHING, you need to let it go. That is something more we can get into later.
If you feel like someone is holding you back from moving forward, then they most likely are, they are teaching you a very valuable lesson, which you will continue to learn over and over again until you finally decide to go with your gut and become aware of the effect their presence has on your life.. then you will accept the change, and what a marvellous time it is!
If you’re thinking of this person in your head right now, then take it as a huge sign. If you’ve got that feeling in your gut.. listen to yourself.
If you are feeling worried or unsure or you want advice or guidance please feel free to get in touch with me via any social media or send me an email on the contact page.
It is not always easy going through change, and sometimes it helps having someone who is already aware to help guide you on your way up and support you.
6) You may already be fearing possible changes.. You may feel scared of the unknown or the future.
“I’m scared, what will change?” “I feel so out of control”
Well don’t be! Embrace it! It could be a number of things, but ultimately it is for you to decide, no one else.
It could be anything from moving house, getting a new job, new friends, even a spiritual awakening of some sort.
The point is, if you continue to fear it(change), you will most likely stay in the same loop, the same situation, with the same dramas, the same negativity, the same sense of something missing.
Change is nothing to be afraid of! But we, as humans, do tend to fear those things which we cannot control. When we realise that we can only truly control ourself, our life, our feelings, our emotions and our thoughts it becomes so much easier to let go and enjoy the ride.
The changes that you want in your life.. you already know what they are.
Take a minute to write them down and reflect.
It takes courage to stand up and acknowledge that it’s time for a change, or to admit to others that you want a change in life, but if you put it out there to the universe, and truly feel and experience it in your mind then it will actually unfold slowly in front of you.
All you need to do is let go of all your past negativities, issues, struggles and from now on and let negative thoughts, people, energy, words – PASS right THROUGH you.
You do not have to think, find that inner quiet, you only have to feel
You may feel something is changing, you may be scared because you have no idea what it is.
Is it simply that easy to let go of these anxious feelings and open yourself to the amazing opportunities life has in store for you?
Don’t be scared, turn that anxious feeling around and realise that it is exhilarating- you are nervous about change because it excites you, what if all your dreams could come true?
Why would you let a feeling you have, stop you from opening yourself up to a world full of new and amazing opportunities?
Why are you scared of change? Do you think something bad will happen?
Well it might. And that’s where we go back to, what we can and can’t control.
And the only answer is ‘you’.
You usually can’t control the outcome of bad things happening in any given situation, but these are common anxieties that can be worked through.
You need to decide whether you want to stay in the same spot for the rest of your life fearing change and the possible negative outcomes (that will generally only happen if you over think them constantly and draw them to yourself), or you embrace it, flow with it, see where it takes you.
We need to accept change, if we fight it and fear it, then what do you think will happen?
If you embrace it and take a leap.. the positive outcomes of the change occurring will be far more wonderful and significant than you could ever imagine.
One thing we need to accept, it that change is always there, it is mostly unavoidable.. so what are you going to do when your gut is telling you it’s time for a shift?
We all have a choice.
A choice to make our own decisions, or to let the fear of the possible negative outcomes of our choices hinder us.
You have a choice to listen to these words right now and take them on board with love and acceptance, but you also have the choice to read, and continue on with your life as usual. You can choose to get out of this right now, it is your choice!
No one is forcing you, and if they are, cut them off.
Just as we choose to make daily decisions that control our life experiences, bet you didn’t think we can also choose to control what negative thoughts, emotions and fears you let affect you.. hmmmmm.
Everything that scares you about change, is in your mind.
Whether you believe it or not, change is inevitable, and sometimes inescapable. You can continue to fear it, or choose to embrace it.
If you’re freaking out about the future.. then it probably means the change is getting closer than you think.
7) You no longer want to surround yourself with negativity.
Whether you’ve already removed yourself from people, places, jobs etc or you’ve been thinking about it, once the seed is planted in your mind you’re already on your way there
When we are around negative people we can tell.
That’s a little something called “intuition” and yes it’s a real thing!
“Go with your gut”- more often than not, it’s trying to tell you something important,
and that is literally a warning that sounds a little something like,
“This person is down right no good, get as far away from them as you can”.
Negative people or people with negative energies can actually steal your energy, whether they are aware of it or not, and whether you choose accept that or not is completely up to you! 🙂
Pay attention next time you’re around someone negative (or someone you get a bad feeling about), can you feel that sense of unease like they might snap at any minute or you can feel them judging you?
It may be just a “bad vibe”, but pay attention and notice how your mood and thoughts change as they are affected by that persons presence or by what they are saying, watch/notice/feel them steal your energy, then leave and.. don’t let them do it ever again 😛
It’s okay to choose to feel good. You literally do not have to let yourself be around those kind of people.. you don’t!
It may be a friend, partner, family, co-worker.. if you know they’re no good, either learn to protect yourself from people like this, or remove yourself from them!
Negativity as a whole can be interpreted into any number of feelings (shakes/shivers/racing heart/sweating), thoughts(I’m not good enough) or emotions (anger, depression, anxiety, a sense of dishonesty).
It could be that you can sense this person is very self centred and narcissistic, they could be very angry or mean, they could be very manipulative and a down right compulsive liar.
These are things we learn to pick up on over our life time of experiences, it is also in built but many people choose to ignore this intuition we’re gifted with.
Ignoring or passing off strong intuition often leads to us having for example, a very bad, toxic relationship, a bad job, a bad house, bad friendships, doing/saying/thinking negative things in general and result in suffering from poor health and mental health conditions.
Also, just be mindful around people who complain a lot. See what you feel and notice about them, and then your own feelings. Do you also start to complain or feel down about things in your life when you could choose to be happy and grateful for being blessed with what you have?
Choose to let their grief or negative emotions pass through you, you can still be empathetic, but you can do so without allowing yourself to feel their discomfort too.
Think about you, where you are right now presently, and in your life.
If you’ve started to think.. “screw everyone that’s no good”, you’re getting prepared for change.
It’s a time to shut people out and focus on the importance of living and finding what it is you’ve been searching for.
If you’re feeling this way, awesome!
You’ve realised that peoples words, thoughts and opinions of you don’t have to affect you, at all, it’s whether you let them go straight through you, or you choose to hold onto them..
and by the way, we’ve all heard – negativity breeds negativity.
Do you become like those who you spend time with? Absolutely, if you are unaware and don’t know how to protect yourself.
Try now to focus on being completely happy even if it’s just for one day, tomorrow you’re going to wake up, make a point to begin the day positively, don’t let annoying things frustrate you, if something goes wrong don’t react, just stop, laugh, shake your head, whatever, and let it pass.
Don’t hold on to the negative feelings you get from things going wrong, people.. traffic.. whatever! Just let it be, for one day. Let anything negative pass right through, simple.
There’s no law that says you have to hold onto any kind of negativity, so why do we do it so often?
I can guarantee you will have an amazing day, and you will be so much more aware of how you have presently been letting negative thoughts and emotions affect you on a day to day basis and have been carrying them all along with you throughout your life..
Reflect on it.
It’s not always easy to distance yourself or completely walk away from negativity and choose to live in a positive only zone.
It takes time. It takes strength and courage. It takes a lot of internal will power and trust in yourself and your decisions.
Sometimes the place or person you need to cut out is someone very close to you, your boss, a family member, a long time friend.. you may be related to them and you may even be dating or married to one!
It’s unfortunate because more often than not, we could sense it all along (we’ve all been there!), we knew they were no good and not uplifting us, sometimes our friends will even say “I knew he was no good for you, you should’ve listened”.. you may have recently cut this person/people out, or maybe it’s been niggling at you from somewhere inside, either way, when you are truly ready and you truly understand your self, your self worth, and your internal power and love and you deeply want that life you’ve been forever searching for- you will get it.
- When you think it, when you feel it, visualise it, the positivity, the life you could have.. what does it look like? Do that every day and let negativity pass through you and you will have some life changing experiences and growth.
If you’re resonating with this, and are feeling sad about a particular person that has come to mind and it breaks your heart at the thought of it… just know, you don’t have to feel that way.
Put yourself first for a change, not them, you know they are toxic, do not put yourself in that position- you deserve so much more. It is never too late.
We all have lessons to learn in life, every experience is an opportunity for learning but it just depends on how you choose to hear it, feel it and react to it that makes a huge difference.
Keep in mind, not every action needs a reaction.
Don’t let the little things in life affect you. Live in the moment. Be free from negativity. Get in your positive only zone.
As we grow and change, we tend to soak up every bit of info we are fed or receive throughout our lives. We actually have been subconsciously choosing whether to spit it out- as it is of no use or interest to us, or we choose to let it sit with us and see what happens.
If we allow things to effect us on any level- they will stay with us. Whether it be a positive feeling from a good experience, or a negative one from a bad experience. When we draw back on these memories we begin to feel like we did at the time. You don’t have to.
Try and recognise what or who is positively affecting your life, and recognise those which you need to let go of. Trust yourself.
When we let go of these negative thoughts, habits, people or past experiences and we let them freely pass through us, we live happily and to our maximum potential.
It really is as simple as that.
I challenge you, today, if something ‘bad’ happens, stop, notice your feelings or your mood and simply think to yourself, “no, I don’t have to feel this so I’m letting it pass right through me”.. and let it be.. don’t let it affect you. It gets easier with practise!
Get in your positivity only zone, don’t allow anyone or anything (including negative thoughts) get through that bubble.
If you’re already noticing the effect everything has on you, excellent. It’s coming time to filter through your life, your past, and let go of all the things that no longer serve your current self.
Change is on the horizon..
8) You’re learning and starting to use the power of the word NO!
Have you been practising saying no lately?
Yes? Good! Saying no to others is saying yes to yourself!
If not, now’s the time to start.
The power of NO comes in right as you’re beginning to learn to love yourself as a whole, as a being. When you realise what you are worth, how you deserve to be treated, and that it is so important to take time off to care for yourself.. then you start learning the value and importance of the word “no”.
Once you’ve got this down, you’ve got the power, and you are learning to make positive changes in your life, just by saying NO to people or things that no longer serve your greater good or interest you.
No I do not want to go to a social gathering today.
No I don’t feel like doing, going, seeing xyz today.
No I don’t feel like helping others today.
No is a powerful word, and many of us are too kind hearted to even ever use it! Especially when other people ask for your help or company.. we feel so bad about letting that person down or hurting their feelings or cancelling last minute that we …. unwillingly dredge our way through activities and social events because we are constantly worrying about everybody else and we forget about that tiny little voice called ME.
Your body and mind are constantly talking to each other- I don’t feel well today, I want to stay home, we need to rest.. but then somehow .. our thoughts begin to turn around from what we wanted and needed, to what we assume other people want or expect from us.. “But they are really counting on me to be there.. they will be so upset if I don’t go.. okay lets get ready and just get it over with..” Does this sound like you at all?
Even if your body and mind is saying to you- I simply cannot be bothered going – then say NO.
We physically, mentally and emotionally drain ourselves if we say yes to other people, when our mind and body is telling us no, so when we are doing that.. we are saying no to ourselves and our own needs. Oops.
Sure you may go and end up having a great time, awesome!
If you’re mostly saying yes to things that you really dread doing.. like seeing people or acquaintances you may not really feel like seeing because they’ve been having a negative impact on you, if you don’t feel like enduring that today then say NO.
I know it’s hard as this is something I have struggled with my whole life, but lately after learning to love myself and allow change and only wanting and attracting positivity into my life, I began to learn and appreciate the power of no, and I now understand that it is okay to worry about and care for yourself.
It’s okay to love yourself enough, to only do the things that you are actually wanting to do.
If you’re worried because you don’t want to spend as much time with certain people in your life.. it is truly okay. It might be that your body is telling you they are no good, it is very hard to spend lots of time with people that drain you or drag you down, say no.
Do not worry so much about everyone else all the time, if you do, and you do not take time for yourself.. you could end up very unhappy, exhausted and drained all the time, you may even feel like you’ve become ‘fake’ or you notice you’re being ‘fake happy’ when you are somewhere you don’t want to be.. why is that?
It may be a sign that you should’ve said no thanks..
Now, I know what it’s like to be someone who has spent their entire life trying to help and be there for everyone in their life that needed them, I know what it’s like to forget about who you are, and what you stand for, and what you are truly interested in.. simply from saying yes to other people all the time.
I know what it’s like to say yes to spending time with friends and the whole time you’re thinking you’d rather be doing something else with someone else.. or wishing you were sick so you could cancel and just chill out for a few minutes..
I know what it’s like to feel like the whole world depends on you, and will judge you for being selfish for cancelling, not showing up, or not being there.
And I do also know what it’s like to come home with the satisfaction of having been there, gone out and done things, helping someone who truly deserves it.. I know how it does make us feel good.
But we hate saying no, we don’t want to be judged, we don’t want to have to deal with broken friendships or relationships, we don’t want to let people down when they are in need, we don’t want to rest until everyone we know and love are happy and cared for.
BUT, if you are reading this, can relate and have trouble saying no then you’ve come to the right place.
Here, we CELEBRATE the word NO! :D!
It is a wonderful tool to begin with when you are learning to love yourself, to accept changes to move forward in life.
NO NO NO NO NO!
So, here’s what you do.
When something comes up or you get asked to do something, DO NOT REPLY STRAIGHT AWAY.
You simply say “I’ll have to check my calender but I will let you know, as soon as I know!”
It really is that easy.
And then you take the time to sit back and think, do I want to do this, or do I feel guilted into doing this for other reasons? Will I have fun or get on with the people there? Is it too late and I might get too tired? Will I have enough money on this day to do this? Do I want to spend money doing this? Or do I have a busy week and might want that day to relax?
If you feel weird even asking yourself these questions it’s probably because you constantly have these thoughts before going somewhere, and the end point is usually something like “I better go because/or else..” “I better go because they’ll be upset..” ..
These are identifiers that you have changed from thinking about what you want and feel like doing, to basing your decision on the perceived thoughts of someone else.. Seems a bit silly doesn’t it.
Even if they were to get mad or upset with you when you simply tell them, you ‘don’t feel up to coming but thank you for the invite and maybe next time…’ then are they really someone who cares for your well being and do you really want to spend time with someone who makes you feel bad about caring for yourself? Hmmm..
Never let peoples feelings, thoughts or words influence your life in a way that makes you stop taking care of yourself.
Chances are, if you’re feeling suffocated under everyone else’s dramas and troubles and feel like you never get time to rest and relax then you need to start replacing all those “yes’s” with a few “nos”.
You need lots of time to yourself to reflect.. to see what parts of your life or what people are holding you back and causing you to feel so exhausted.. you may even think that you simply don’t have enough time for yourself.. well yes, because you haven’t been making time. You’ve been putting evvvvverybody else’s needs before your own..
Say no, take a whole day, do not make any plans, do not say yes to last minute things.
Then I want you to spend the whole day with yourself.
Do what YOU want to do, this will assist you in finding what you love again, it gives you space to breathe and actually realise that under all that emotional/mental/physical stress and mess you do have your own little voice in there and it’s saying.. you should be doing this more often!!
When you do this, do it completely guilt free!!!
Make the intent that this set day is to be a guilt free day, a negativity free day, a people free day, and even a no phone call/social media day.. don’t get sucked into other people’s issues on your day off.
It is a day to relax, reflect, be happy, and enjoy. Splurge if you want, spend money go on a shopping spree for yourself, stay in bed all day watching movies and eating tubs of icecream.. write in a journal.. sleep.. whatever it is, do what you want, and then I can guarantee you will be more obliged to say no more often. Learn to love the no.
If people start complaining and saying “oh, you’ve changed..” because you’ve cancelled a few times or you’re a bit less social..
Have you changed though? Yes.
And do you feel happy about these small changes and the way you feel when you do nice things for yourself? Yes.
So you know why they’re saying you’ve changed in a negative way (or that’s how it seems)?
Because they feel upset that you don’t enjoy doing what they want to do all the time, or that you want to take care of yourself like somehow their needs are more important than your well being.
But that’s their opinion.
You should be most important in your life.
This goes to parents with kids too, it is completely fine to put your needs before your kids.. there I said it.
You know why this is so important? Because if you’re not taking care of yourself at all, then you are honestly not living to your maximum potential. I am not trying to upset or offend. You choose in which tone of voice you read this, and I assure you that it is out of love, support and encouragement.
You have been living to meet everyone elses needs and wishes and standards, which in life – is impossible.
It’s not bad, it actually means that you are an amazing, genuine, loving person.. but you maybe just need to take a break from being wonderful for a day or two. You are so important, and the world needs more people like you. This is why it is so important that you take time for yourself to love and nourish yourself! Soon you will see that helping yourself first will benefit you and those around you. Doesn’t mean give up your awesome self, just means please, please take the time for yourself to listen to your body and mind and meet your needs for once in a while.
I don’t know many people that are actually 100% satisfied with their lives and wouldn’t change a thing.. do you? So where does everybody have it wrong?
Maybe it could be that nobody is truly connected to themselves any more, we all live in service of others, our jobs, what others think..
Maybe we’ve all forgotten that if we stop to breathe and listen to ourselves for just a minute that we have our own voice.
We all still have our own dreams, aspirations, interests, desires, wants and needs but we have fallen in line with society and pushed our true selves aside as if the loudness of the world has silenced us.
So parents; what’s the harm in taking a second to lock yourself in your room for some alone time, or to get a babysitter to go out… stop worrying about what everyone will think of you, and stop thinking that you’re a bad mother/father for not meeting your child’s every single, dragging, need..
Like you, I know I go above and beyond for my kids, but it came to a point in my life a few years ago where it was driving me mad, and as a single parent it was so hard to ever seem to find time for myself.. between the house and bills and the kids and kinder and friends and family and study, it all.got.too.much. I couldn’t breathe.. Sure I felt happy at night for providing and caring for my children, friends and family, I love helping people. But, I completely neglected myself and ended up suffering from anxiety and depression as a result. I was completely burnt out, simply by not knowing the power of the word NO.
This applies to all areas in life, negativity in general- you can say no to it.
It really is as simple as not letting it near you, by either choosing to scroll through and not let things affect you, or by removing all forms of it (blocking, deleting, un friending, quitting, walking away). This is how we take back control.
I see soooooo many people complaining (and I am totally guilty of it) about certain things all over face book or in conversation, saying “this person started harassing me and messaging me on face book and doing this bla bla bla”.. hmmm. Have you ever considered saying no?
How have you been acting/reacting?
Example: You see a horrible message from someone- do you choose to delete it or read it and feel crappy for the rest of the day?
Say someone you don’t like has been harassing you and starts calling you- do you choose to answer it and accept a tonne of negativity, or deny the call and block the number without a second thought?
Say you see a post you disagree with on face book that you feel is inappropriate- you can choose to click onto it and keep reading, read the comments, and send a long detailed comment and slag on how inappropriate it is .. or do you choose to simply not let it affect you, realise it is someone else’s opinion and that they are entitled to it and you keep scrolling, or block that person so you don’t have to see that crap any more? SAY NO.
You don’t have to respond.. at all.. you don’t even have to let anything effect you in a mental or an emotional way.. just move right past it.
It takes a lot of practise, but saying no is such a powerful tool when you are experiencing changes throughout your life.
9) You may currently have a sense of dwelling on the past, a sense of loss for your old life.
Well, have a funeral for it! Cya later old life, can’t say I’ll miss ya!
You are moving UP, to bigger and better things! Get excited!
What is it about your old life that you are mourning? The loss of friends? The job? Whatever it may be, remember these changes happened for a reason, because you realised that you deserve better, and that the loss you are feeling is only temporary.
You don’t have to feel a sense of loss. As we grow we learn to accept every part in our life, every experience, every fight, every kiss, every success, every failure.. is a lesson.
We have always been the ones who decided our fate, every thought, every feeling, every decision you ever made led you to this moment right now.
But now, hopefully after you finish reading this, you can see how much more fulfilled your life can be because you are learning to embrace change, deter negativity, love yourself and say no.
Your life will start to unfold in front of you exactly the way you want it to once you start with these simple steps.
When we stop dwelling on the past and see that any past experiences have helped us move forward and get to where we are today, it is a wonderful thing.
Change for us, for example, is like a caterpillar going into a cocoon.
You see this example used for so many things, and no I don’t mean go hide away for a bit and then you’ll come out with a whole new makeover..
When we change, we need to withdraw into ourselves, we need to make a protective barrier between us, and the world. This cocoon we make helps shield us from any negativity or predators trying to tear us down, so we can be safe, and it allows us the right amount of time to go through our own amazing personal transformation.
It does take a while.. but like the example, once we are ready we will emerge, we now are ready and on our way to reaching our full potential, and having the most fulfilling life imaginable.
We emerge from our cocoon having transformed our mind, body and spirit, and are ready to take on the world like the beautiful butterflies we are.
Point is, you can’t not change. If you take the time for yourself, and embrace the changes that are coming your way.. you will be amazed.
So if you’ve been relating to any of these points then you’re most likely about to enter a very exciting time in your life.
Good luck on your journey, and please leave a comment below with your own experiences I would love to hear some feedback!