I just had to quickly write up (lies it took a week) this post because I have noticed quite a few people lately have been going through some awesome transformations, change and personal growth through their life and I thought they might like a little guidance.
Some people may be curious so I thought this might be a good  read for those who are feeling some kind of change in the winds, you might just be curious and be pulled to it, if so, take from it what you need and don’t forget I am always available for a chat with anyone, about anything!

time for change

First off: Why are we so resistant to change?

Our whole life, ‘change’ has grown on us like a disease.
We were told growing up by friends or family, “you’ve changed”, and it probably came out in a negative way, they may have been spiteful when they said it, “I feel like I don’t know you anymore”..
People may have ridiculed you, your personality, your values, your opinions and made you feel like being anything other than the way you ‘were’ or ‘are now’ is BAD.
Wrong.

Change and growth is normal, so why have we as a society grasped the mentality that “things shouldn’t change, change is bad”?
We constantly try to hold on to things, people, places, or parts of ourself that keep us tied down in a world that is constantly spinning.. it’s not healthy.
Change is amazing, and it happens whether you pay attention or not.
Can you imagine you were still in the exact frame of mind as when you were aged 13/14.. no..
Sure you remember “being” there through your experiences as a teen, but there is no way you have not changed since then. Do you still chase boys around like they are the most important factor to your life? (some people may!:p ) Do you still think your parents suck and put rules on you for no reason? Do you still dress the same, speak the same, eat the same.. probably not.
It’s likely that over time you have changed things about yourself, these are good. We are maturing.
The only thing that stays the same is that sense of being “there” in your memories, that internal voice is still the same (but probably a lot wiser than when you were 13, you can probably make better choices now.. we hope!).

We have and continue to be unknowingly influenced in so many ways by society, the media and life itself. We are deeply affected by what we see, hear, the emotions we feel, things we touch and by what we hold true to our hearts. We are constantly being told what we should or shouldn’t be doing, saying, feeling, being. We’re told how we should be living, how to be the perfect parent, the perfect lover, how to do things the right or wrong way, what we should/n’t be eating, we are told how to feel, how to think, how to be.

Are you seeing it now? Even this now, I am enlightening you as to what’s really going on, and do you have to listen and be influenced by what I’m saying? Certainly not! It is up to you to decide what information and changes you allow and which you don’t.

9 Signs That You’re Preparing For A Big Change

How to know it’s time to move on with your life..

1) You may feel an internal sense of knowing that things are changing, and that you are meant for something bigger and better.

And yet you probably have no clue what that is, you just know.
There is more out there for you, you just need to find it.
You personally, are growing and maybe you just don’t connect with others any more. It may not interest you to participate in the mundane activities or do xyz with friends any more, as you realise that you too, are important. You are going through an important transition in your life and you feel the need to focus on yourself and really take care of you for once and find out what life is all about.

You may have been trying to write or make goals for yourself.
Great! You may have been writing mental lists of things to achieve in life that you think will make you happier, whether it be money, love, a job.. this means you are being pro-active, you want things to change, you are asking for things to change.
Now here’s the hard part, these ‘things’ will not come to pass unless you 1) ask for them, 2) get an answer 3) receive it.
Umm.. what? Check out the video “The Secret” it will truly change the way you think of life.

Ever wanted to know how you can get exactly what you want out of life?
Watch the Secret, it’s all about the Law of Attraction.

Everything you think, feel and say will come to pass if you truly believe it, and you feel it in your whole body. Ever wanted to flip through a catalogue for your life and pick out what you want? What if I told you, you can? Watch it!! No really!!

If you’ve been struggling in achieving your goals it may be that you don’t fully trust yourself yet, and that’s okay, it does not happen over night!

Try and write a list again today, but this time, do it with intent.
“I am going to do this.. xyz..” “ I will do this” .. and really hold that sense of already having achieved it close in your heart and mind, feel it.
Do not doubt yourself or your abilities, if you do, this is where you will start to go backwards into negative thinking habits that can be really self destructive if you don’t realise you’re doing it.
Don’t talk about why you don’t have this and that, don’t talk about or think about the negative things in your life.. because when you lose sight of your gratitude in life, it all goes backward.
You literally put out messages when you say negative things- “be careful what you wish for, you just might get it”.
You CAN do it, you absolutely can.
Keep learning, keep motivating yourself and surround yourself with the right people.

 

2) You may have a deep sense of failure or unsatisfaction with your current life.

full potential

“I thought that by the time I was 20 I would be doing ..xyz..”
“I thought by the time I was 40 I would have/done/seen/gone…”

Sure you may be happy, you may even have a perfect job, an amazing loving partner, a nice house.. but there may still be that niggling, rushed feeling that time is running out and you’re still unsatisfied with your life in itself.
It’s almost like a panic, “What am I doing with my life? What does it all mean? What’s the point?”
You may feel like you did everything you were supposed to do, but you do not feel the way you thought you would once you’d achieved or gained what you wanted out of life eg. Material things, big family, career..
You’re left with a deep sense of dissatisfaction with your life..
You still feel lost .. what the hell.. but you’re not sure why.

This means… you’re preparing yourself for a big change, you’re probably about to do a big shift of your current reality.
You may still feel a little hollow, like there’s more out there in life for you but you just can’t connect with it on some level.
That’s okay, because if you allow it, and you choose to roll with it, you will be so fulfilled, happy and flourishing that you (and others) wont even recognise yourself.
A whole new you, get excited!

 

3) You may have lost the interest in the opinion of others, or you don’t really care what people think of you anymore, great!

 

You’re already making changes! When we journey to find ourselves, our purpose or whatever it is that we’re so blindly searching for, and we begin to love and accept ourselves and understand our self worth we begin to care less about judgement from other people.
It’s almost like “I’m trying to find myself, I don’t really care about anything else, not your opinions or judgements, I don’t need your negativity.”

It’s a time for deep reflection, a time for focus, a time for change, a time for moving to bigger and better things.

4) You find yourself getting a bit bored.. and then in time.. YOLO

free your inner child

A craving to Feed your inner child.

All this time you may have forgotten “who you are” or “what you truly love”, so when you find yourself alone with time to spare you’re not really sure what to do with it.

Friends, jobs, school, TV or whatever has pretty much been occupying your whole life. We have been influenced our whole lives in so many different ways that we hardly crave to do the things we truly want to, simply because they’ve been buried under bad experiences, judgement from others, or the need to conform to society..
Whatever the reasons- now you might find yourself at a loss, and truly bored, with the need to do something, anything at all that will satisfy this weird longing or craving for adventure you have.
You can get what your heart desires the most and it is as easy as being aware of yourself, your presence on this earth in your mind as a being (which you can read more about here), loving, trusting and believing in yourself and knowing how the law of attraction works.

Here’s what you do to ease those bored times as you’re exploring and finding your self- do what you want!!!
There’s no better time to start loving yourself and getting in touch with yourself than right now.
Self indulge, treat yourself without guilt. We often forget the simple pleasures in life like getting out in nature (even if it’s laying on a rug on your lawn) and connecting with ourselves.
Not that kind of person? Not YET, 🙂 In time on your journey through change you will find yourself drawn to the beauty of the world.

innerchild

What did you do for fun and leisure as a child? Go for a bike ride, a walk, to the park, to the beach, go karting, jumping on trampolines.. swimming.. painting..dancing .. find your creative and artistic self.
Do those things you may ‘think’ or ‘feel’ are silly, do the things people might judge you for doing.. you don’t want to miss out on the opportunity of you feeling that pure joy of doing something that you actually, really feel like doing!
Picture in your head now, the feeling you get when you used to go on a swing at the park how your stomach dips, when you would dance without a care or when you’d go for a swim at the beach.. the feeling is good right(mostly good :P)?
So why deny yourself of these things, due to a random floating feeling or thought that has no purpose at all..?

When is the last time you put headphones on, found a space you were certain no one would bust in, cranked the music and just let your body go and danced without a care in the world?
Let go of the thoughts, “I don’t know how to dance, I can’t dance..”, just believe you can, and let the music flow through you. It doesn’t matter what it looks like, close your eyes and just move however you feel like moving, I did this for the first time in…. lets say the last time I was 10.. and man, it was so amazing, I felt energised and free after. Try it!
Feed your inner child.

 

5) You start sticking up for yourself and what you believe in..

my way

You just want to share it with everyone, you want everyone to be on the same level as you.
You may lose friends as you go through changes in your life, and move up to a more positive frame of mind. This is because we learn to let go of all the things that no longer serve our greater good.
When things are about to do a back flip in your life you may notice that you become more ‘grounded’, you may have a better sense of what you know to be right and wrong, and you’re not afraid to stick up for it any more.

This can be in relation to many areas we have covered already, i.e. it may be your personal self that you stick up for, you may not want to do activities for the sake of it any more, you may start going to do things that you really want to do that you feel society may judge or ridicule you for, you may stand up for your values and beliefs, believe me, it’s for the best. Go with what you feel.
You’re finally choosing to believe in yourself and understand that things are changing, and you are accepting it!
Other people may not like it.
Friends, families, partners have been accustomed to ‘who we are’ or who they perceived us to be. But as we go through personal changes, we are the only ones who can see the full extent of the change, others will see what they want to see- whether they think you hate them, they think you’re too stuck up or good for them, that you’re going crazy and you’re a completely different person now.. Well congrats to them, because you are exactly the same person as you always have been, you’ve simply chosen to love yourself and embrace life, and they probably have not.
People will see it, it is 100% noticeable when someone is awakening and finally living their own life.
I’ll tell ya now, some people will not like this “new you” that has come out of nowhere, they’ll tell you “you’ve changed, you’re different”.. you might not be pushed over as easy, you may have found the power to say no, you might start telling people when they’ve offended you or maybe you’ve just suddenly grown to realise that you don’t relate with your friends any more.

change is hard

It’s okay, it doesn’t have to be a bad thing, don’t let the thought of losing people and change scare you back into your old self destructive patterns.
Though at the time it may seem horrible if you can tell that a friendship or relationship is coming to an end, here’s where you need to trust that intuition, know that it is no-ones fault, you are simply choosing to embrace and accept positive changes.

You will make new friends, amazing new friends, and these friends that come into your life will be on ‘your level’.
You may crave to be around positive people, people who are loving and accept you for who you are, people who encourage and motivate you to be the best you, people who you find you are drawn to and really relate to.
These friendships are so fulfilling, watch your face book news feed go from being about complaining, new things people want or bought, sadness, greed… and it will change to be full of people that are uplifting, constantly motivating and supporting one another. Not only will your ‘news feed’ change, but so will your life, your thoughts and awareness of your self, it is such a positive time, learn to love it!
Now THAT is something you want, it helps you keep that positive frame of mind and really puts everything you’ve been through in life to a new perspective, let it go.
Don’t dwell on the past or the sense off loss for your old life/self, amazing things are coming.

Please, do not feel guilt, there is nothing wrong with you, a real friend will accept these huge, positive changes in you. A real friend will see you glowing, and will commend you on how well you’re doing.. they may also want a piece of the action so enlighten them.
A real friend will not judge you no matter what. You’ve probably seen these phrases everywhere, so why haven’t you been listening? Why have you been holding onto these people or things for so long? What is your reason?
If you’ve been thinking for a while about change, and your ‘friend’ doesn’t seem to fit in with who you are now then so be it.
So be it.

To move forward we need to let go of past insecurities, negativities and anything that has been holding us back, and yes that includes EVERYTHING, you need to let it go. That is something more we can get into later.
If you feel like someone is holding you back from moving forward, then they most likely are, they are teaching you a very valuable lesson, which you will continue to learn over and over again until you finally decide to go with your gut and become aware of the effect their presence has on your life.. then you will accept the change, and what a marvellous time it is!
If you’re thinking of this person in your head right now, then take it as a huge sign. If you’ve got that feeling in your gut.. listen to yourself.
If you are feeling worried or unsure or you want advice or guidance please feel free to get in touch with me via any social media or send me an email on the contact page.

It is not always easy going through change, and sometimes it helps having someone who is already aware to help guide you on your way up and support you.

6) You may already be fearing possible changes.. You may feel scared of the unknown or the future.

“I’m scared, what will change?” “I feel so out of control”

Well don’t be! Embrace it! It could be a number of things, but ultimately it is for you to decide, no one else.
It could be anything from moving house, getting a new job, new friends, even a spiritual awakening of some sort.
The point is, if you continue to fear it(change), you will most likely stay in the same loop, the same situation, with the same dramas, the same negativity, the same sense of something missing.
Change is nothing to be afraid of! But we, as humans, do tend to fear those things which we cannot control. When we realise that we can only truly control ourself, our life, our feelings, our emotions and our thoughts it becomes so much easier to let go and enjoy the ride.

The changes that you want in your life.. you already know what they are.
Take a minute to write them down and reflect.
It takes courage to stand up and acknowledge that it’s time for a change, or to admit to others that you want a change in life, but if you put it out there to the universe, and truly feel and experience it in your mind then it will actually unfold slowly in front of you.

All you need to do is let go of all your past negativities, issues, struggles and from now on and let negative thoughts, people, energy, words – PASS right THROUGH you.
You do not have to think, find that inner quiet, you only have to feel

You may feel something is changing, you may be scared because you have no idea what it is.

Is it simply that easy to let go of these anxious feelings and open yourself to the amazing opportunities life has in store for you?
Yes.
Don’t be scared, turn that anxious feeling around and realise that it is exhilarating- you are nervous about change because it excites you, what if all your dreams could come true?
Why would you let a feeling you have, stop you from opening yourself up to a world full of new and amazing opportunities?
Why are you scared of change? Do you think something bad will happen?
Well it might. And that’s where we go back to, what we can and can’t control.
And the only answer is ‘you’.
You usually can’t control the outcome of bad things happening in any given situation, but these are common anxieties that can be worked through.

You need to decide whether you want to stay in the same spot for the rest of your life fearing change and the possible negative outcomes (that will generally only happen if you over think them constantly and draw them to yourself), or you embrace it, flow with it, see where it takes you.
We need to accept change, if we fight it and fear it, then what do you think will happen?
If you embrace it and take a leap.. the positive outcomes of the change occurring will be far more wonderful and significant than you could ever imagine.

One thing we need to accept, it that change is always there, it is mostly unavoidable.. so what are you going to do when your gut is telling you it’s time for a shift?

We all have a choice.

A choice to make our own decisions, or to let the fear of the possible negative outcomes of our choices hinder us.
You have a choice to listen to these words right now and take them on board with love and acceptance, but you also have the choice to read, and continue on with your life as usual. You can choose to get out of this right now, it is your choice!
No one is forcing you, and if they are, cut them off.
Just as we choose to make daily decisions that control our life experiences, bet you didn’t think we can also choose to control what negative thoughts, emotions and fears you let affect you.. hmmmmm.

Everything that scares you about change, is in your mind.

Whether you believe it or not, change is inevitable, and sometimes inescapable. You can continue to fear it, or choose to embrace it.

If you’re freaking out about the future.. then it probably means the change is getting closer than you think.

7) You no longer want to surround yourself with negativity.

Whether you’ve already removed yourself from people, places, jobs etc or you’ve been thinking about it, once the seed is planted in your mind you’re already on your way there

negavtivity free

When we are around negative people we can tell.
That’s a little something called intuition” and yes it’s a real thing!
“Go with your gut”- more often than not, it’s trying to tell you something important,
and that is literally a warning that sounds a little something like,
“This person is down right no good, get as far away from them as you can”.

Negative people or people with negative energies can actually steal your energy, whether they are aware of it or not, and whether you choose accept that or not is completely up to you! 🙂
Pay attention next time you’re around someone negative (or someone you get a bad feeling about), can you feel that sense of unease like they might snap at any minute or you can feel them judging you?
It may be just a “bad vibe”, but pay attention and notice how your mood and thoughts change as they are affected by that persons presence or by what they are saying, watch/notice/feel them steal your energy, then leave and.. don’t let them do it ever again 😛

It’s okay to choose to feel good. You literally do not have to let yourself be around those kind of people.. you don’t!
It may be a friend, partner, family, co-worker.. if you know they’re no good, either learn to protect yourself from people like this, or remove yourself from them!

Negativity as a whole can be interpreted into any number of feelings (shakes/shivers/racing heart/sweating), thoughts(I’m not good enough) or emotions (anger, depression, anxiety, a sense of dishonesty).
It could be that you can sense this person is very self centred and narcissistic, they could be very angry or mean, they could be very manipulative and a down right compulsive liar.

These are things we learn to pick up on over our life time of experiences, it is also in built but many people choose to ignore this intuition we’re gifted with.
Ignoring or passing off strong intuition often leads to us having for example, a very bad, toxic relationship, a bad job, a bad house, bad friendships, doing/saying/thinking negative things in general and result in suffering from poor health and mental health conditions.
Also, just be mindful around people who complain a lot. See what you feel and notice about them, and then your own feelings. Do you also start to complain or feel down about things in your life when you could choose to be happy and grateful for being blessed with what you have?
Choose to let their grief or negative emotions pass through you, you can still be empathetic, but you can do so without allowing yourself to feel their discomfort too.

Think about you, where you are right now presently, and in your life.
If you’ve started to think.. “screw everyone that’s no good”, you’re getting prepared for change.
It’s a time to shut people out and focus on the importance of living and finding what it is you’ve been searching for.

If you’re feeling this way, awesome!
You’ve realised that peoples words, thoughts and opinions of you don’t have to affect you, at all, it’s whether you let them go straight through you, or you choose to hold onto them..
and by the way, we’ve all heard – negativity breeds negativity.
Do you become like those who you spend time with? Absolutely, if you are unaware and don’t know how to protect yourself.

Try now to focus on being completely happy even if it’s just for one day, tomorrow you’re going to wake up, make a point to begin the day positively, don’t let annoying things frustrate you, if something goes wrong don’t react, just stop, laugh, shake your head, whatever, and let it pass.
Don’t hold on to the negative feelings you get from things going wrong, people.. traffic.. whatever! Just let it be, for one day. Let anything negative pass right through, simple.

let change happen

There’s no law that says you have to hold onto any kind of negativity, so why do we do it so often?

I can guarantee you will have an amazing day, and you will be so much more aware of how you have presently been letting negative thoughts and emotions affect you on a day to day basis and have been carrying them all along with you throughout your life..
Reflect on it.
It’s not always easy to distance yourself or completely walk away from negativity and choose to live in a positive only zone.
It takes time. It takes strength and courage. It takes a lot of internal will power and trust in yourself and your decisions.
Sometimes the place or person you need to cut out is someone very close to you, your boss, a family member, a long time friend.. you may be related to them and you may even be dating or married to one!
It’s unfortunate because more often than not, we could sense it all along (we’ve all been there!), we knew they were no good and not uplifting us, sometimes our friends will even say “I knew he was no good for you, you should’ve listened”.. you may have recently cut this person/people out, or maybe it’s been niggling at you from somewhere inside, either way, when you are truly ready and you truly understand your self, your self worth, and your internal power and love and you deeply want that life you’ve been forever searching for- you will get it.

  • When you think it, when you feel it, visualise it, the positivity, the life you could have.. what does it look like? Do that every day and let negativity pass through you and you will have some life changing experiences and growth.

If you’re resonating with this, and are feeling sad about a particular person that has come to mind and it breaks your heart at the thought of it… just know, you don’t have to feel that way.
Put yourself first for a change, not them, you know they are toxic, do not put yourself in that position- you deserve so much more. It is never too late.
We all have lessons to learn in life, every experience is an opportunity for learning but it just depends on how you choose to hear it, feel it and react to it that makes a huge difference.
Keep in mind, not every action needs a reaction.

Don’t let the little things in life affect you. Live in the moment. Be free from negativity. Get in your positive only zone.
As we grow and change, we tend to soak up every bit of info we are fed or receive throughout our lives. We actually have been subconsciously choosing whether to spit it out- as it is of no use or interest to us, or we choose to let it sit with us and see what happens.
If we allow things to effect us on any level- they will stay with us. Whether it be a positive feeling from a good experience, or a negative one from a bad experience. When we draw back on these memories we begin to feel like we did at the time. You don’t have to.

Try and recognise what or who is positively affecting your life, and recognise those which you need to let go of. Trust yourself.
When we let go of these negative thoughts, habits, people or past experiences and we let them freely pass through us, we live happily and to our maximum potential.
It really is as simple as that.
I challenge you, today, if something ‘bad’ happens, stop, notice your feelings or your mood and simply think to yourself, “no, I don’t have to feel this so I’m letting it pass right through me”.. and let it be.. don’t let it affect you. It gets easier with practise!
Get in your positivity only zone, don’t allow anyone or anything (including negative thoughts) get through that bubble.
If you’re already noticing the effect everything has on you, excellent. It’s coming time to filter through your life, your past, and let go of all the things that no longer serve your current self.
Change is on the horizon..

8) You’re learning and starting to use the power of the word NO!

love yourself say no

Have you been practising saying no lately?
Yes? Good! Saying no to others is saying yes to yourself!
If not, now’s the time to start.
The power of NO comes in right as you’re beginning to learn to love yourself as a whole, as a being. When you realise what you are worth, how you deserve to be treated, and that it is so important to take time off to care for yourself.. then you start learning the value and importance of the word “no”.
Once you’ve got this down, you’ve got the power, and you are learning to make positive changes in your life, just by saying NO to people or things that no longer serve your greater good or interest you.

No I do not want to go to a social gathering today.
No I don’t feel like doing, going, seeing xyz today.
No I don’t feel like helping others today.

No is a powerful word, and many of us are too kind hearted to even ever use it! Especially when other people ask for your help or company.. we feel so bad about letting that person down or hurting their feelings or cancelling last minute that we …. unwillingly dredge our way through activities and social events because we are constantly worrying about everybody else and we forget about that tiny little voice called ME.

Your body and mind are constantly talking to each other- I don’t feel well today, I want to stay home, we need to rest.. but then somehow .. our thoughts begin to turn around from what we wanted and needed, to what we assume other people want or expect from us.. “But they are really counting on me to be there.. they will be so upset if I don’t go.. okay lets get ready and just get it over with..” Does this sound like you at all?

Even if your body and mind is saying to you- I simply cannot be bothered going – then say NO.
We physically, mentally and emotionally drain ourselves if we say yes to other people, when our mind and body is telling us no, so when we are doing that.. we are saying no to ourselves and our own needs. Oops.

Sure you may go and end up having a great time, awesome!
If you’re mostly saying yes to things that you really dread doing.. like seeing people or acquaintances you may not really feel like seeing because they’ve been having a negative impact on you, if you don’t feel like enduring that today then say NO.
I know it’s hard as this is something I have struggled with my whole life, but lately after learning to love myself and allow change and only wanting and attracting positivity into my life, I began to learn and appreciate the power of no, and I now understand that it is okay to worry about and care for yourself.
It’s okay to love yourself enough, to only do the things that you are actually wanting to do.

If you’re worried because you don’t want to spend as much time with certain people in your life.. it is truly okay. It might be that your body is telling you they are no good, it is very hard to spend lots of time with people that drain you or drag you down, say no.
Do not worry so much about everyone else all the time, if you do, and you do not take time for yourself.. you could end up very unhappy, exhausted and drained all the time, you may even feel like you’ve become ‘fake’ or you notice you’re being ‘fake happy’ when you are somewhere you don’t want to be.. why is that?
It may be a sign that you should’ve said no thanks..

Now, I know what it’s like to be someone who has spent their entire life trying to help and be there for everyone in their life that needed them, I know what it’s like to forget about who you are, and what you stand for, and what you are truly interested in.. simply from saying yes to other people all the time.
I know what it’s like to say yes to spending time with friends and the whole time you’re thinking you’d rather be doing something else with someone else.. or wishing you were sick so you could cancel and just chill out for a few minutes..

I know what it’s like to feel like the whole world depends on you, and will judge you for being selfish for cancelling, not showing up, or not being there.

And I do also know what it’s like to come home with the satisfaction of having been there, gone out and done things, helping someone who truly deserves it.. I know how it does make us feel good.

But we hate saying no, we don’t want to be judged, we don’t want to have to deal with broken friendships or relationships, we don’t want to let people down when they are in need, we don’t want to rest until everyone we know and love are happy and cared for.
BUT, if you are reading this, can relate and have trouble saying no then you’ve come to the right place.
Here, we CELEBRATE the word NO! :D!

It is a wonderful tool to begin with when you are learning to love yourself, to accept changes to move forward in life.
NO NO NO NO NO!

So, here’s what you do.

When something comes up or you get asked to do something, DO NOT REPLY STRAIGHT AWAY.

You simply say “I’ll have to check my calender but I will let you know, as soon as I know!”
It really is that easy.
And then you take the time to sit back and think, do I want to do this, or do I feel guilted into doing this for other reasons? Will I have fun or get on with the people there? Is it too late and I might get too tired? Will I have enough money on this day to do this? Do I want to spend money doing this? Or do I have a busy week and might want that day to relax?

If you feel weird even asking yourself these questions it’s probably because you constantly have these thoughts before going somewhere, and the end point is usually something like “I better go because/or else..” “I better go because they’ll be upset..” ..
These are identifiers that you have changed from thinking about what you want and feel like doing, to basing your decision on the perceived thoughts of someone else.. Seems a bit silly doesn’t it.
Even if they were to get mad or upset with you when you simply tell them, you ‘don’t feel up to coming but thank you for the invite and maybe next time…’ then are they really someone who cares for your well being and do you really want to spend time with someone who makes you feel bad about caring for yourself? Hmmm..

Never let peoples feelings, thoughts or words influence your life in a way that makes you stop taking care of yourself.

Chances are, if you’re feeling suffocated under everyone else’s dramas and troubles and feel like you never get time to rest and relax then you need to start replacing all those “yes’s” with a few “nos”.

You need lots of time to yourself to reflect.. to see what parts of your life or what people are holding you back and causing you to feel so exhausted.. you may even think that you simply don’t have enough time for yourself.. well yes, because you haven’t been making time. You’ve been putting evvvvverybody else’s needs before your own..
Say no, take a whole day, do not make any plans, do not say yes to last minute things.
Then I want you to spend the whole day with yourself.
Do what YOU want to do, this will assist you in finding what you love again, it gives you space to breathe and actually realise that under all that emotional/mental/physical stress and mess you do have your own little voice in there and it’s saying.. you should be doing this more often!!

When you do this, do it completely guilt free!!!
Make the intent that this set day is to be a guilt free day, a negativity free day, a people free day, and even a no phone call/social media day.. don’t get sucked into other people’s issues on your day off.
It is a day to relax, reflect, be happy, and enjoy. Splurge if you want, spend money go on a shopping spree for yourself, stay in bed all day watching movies and eating tubs of icecream.. write in a journal.. sleep.. whatever it is, do what you want, and then I can guarantee you will be more obliged to say no more often. Learn to love the no.

If people start complaining and saying “oh, you’ve changed..” because you’ve cancelled a few times or you’re a bit less social..
Have you changed though? Yes.
And do you feel happy about these small changes and the way you feel when you do nice things for yourself? Yes.
So you know why they’re saying you’ve changed in a negative way (or that’s how it seems)?
Because they feel upset that you don’t enjoy doing what they want to do all the time, or that you want to take care of yourself like somehow their needs are more important than your well being.
But that’s their opinion.

You should be most important in your life.

This goes to parents with kids too, it is completely fine to put your needs before your kids.. there I said it.

You know why this is so important? Because if you’re not taking care of yourself at all, then you are honestly not living to your maximum potential. I am not trying to upset or offend. You choose in which tone of voice you read this, and I assure you that it is out of love, support and encouragement.

You have been living to meet everyone elses needs and wishes and standards, which in life – is impossible.

It’s not bad, it actually means that you are an amazing, genuine, loving person.. but you maybe just need to take a break from being wonderful for a day or two. You are so important, and the world needs more people like you. This is why it is so important that you take time for yourself to love and nourish yourself! Soon you will see that helping yourself first will benefit you and those around you. Doesn’t mean give up your awesome self, just means please, please take the time for yourself to listen to your body and mind and meet your needs for once in a while.

I don’t know many people that are actually 100% satisfied with their lives and wouldn’t change a thing.. do you? So where does everybody have it wrong?

Maybe it could be that nobody is truly connected to themselves any more, we all live in service of others, our jobs, what others think..

Maybe we’ve all forgotten that if we stop to breathe and listen to ourselves for just a minute that we have our own voice.
We all still have our own dreams, aspirations, interests, desires, wants and needs but we have fallen in line with society and pushed our true selves aside as if the loudness of the world has silenced us.

So parents; what’s the harm in taking a second to lock yourself in your room for some alone time, or to get a babysitter to go out… stop worrying about what everyone will think of you, and stop thinking that you’re a bad mother/father for not meeting your child’s every single, dragging, need..
Like you, I know I go above and beyond for my kids, but it came to a point in my life a few years ago where it was driving me mad, and as a single parent it was so hard to ever seem to find time for myself.. between the house and bills and the kids and kinder and friends and family and study, it all.got.too.much. I couldn’t breathe.. Sure I felt happy at night for providing and caring for my children, friends and family, I love helping people. But, I completely neglected myself and ended up suffering from anxiety and depression as a result. I was completely burnt out, simply by not knowing the power of the word NO.

This applies to all areas in life, negativity in general- you can say no to it.
It really is as simple as not letting it near you, by either choosing to scroll through and not let things affect you, or by removing all forms of it (blocking, deleting, un friending, quitting, walking away). This is how we take back control.
Say no.
I see soooooo many people complaining (and I am totally guilty of it) about certain things all over face book or in conversation, saying “this person started harassing me and messaging me on face book and doing this bla bla bla”.. hmmm. Have you ever considered saying no?

How have you been acting/reacting?

Example: You see a horrible message from someone- do you choose to delete it or read it and feel crappy for the rest of the day?

Say someone you don’t like has been harassing you and starts calling you- do you choose to answer it and accept a tonne of negativity, or deny the call and block the number without a second thought?

Say you see a post you disagree with on face book that you feel is inappropriate- you can choose to click onto it and keep reading, read the comments, and send a long detailed comment and slag on how inappropriate it is .. or do you choose to simply not let it affect you, realise it is someone else’s opinion and that they are entitled to it and you keep scrolling, or block that person so you don’t have to see that crap any more? SAY NO.
You don’t have to respond.. at all.. you don’t even have to let anything effect you in a mental or an emotional way.. just move right past it.
It takes a lot of practise, but saying no is such a powerful tool when you are experiencing changes throughout your life.

9) You may currently have a sense of dwelling on the past, a sense of loss for your old life.

Well, have a funeral for it! Cya later old life, can’t say I’ll miss ya!

You are moving UP, to bigger and better things! Get excited!
What is it about your old life that you are mourning? The loss of friends? The job? Whatever it may be, remember these changes happened for a reason, because you realised that you deserve better, and that the loss you are feeling is only temporary.

You don’t have to feel a sense of loss. As we grow we learn to accept every part in our life, every experience, every fight, every kiss, every success, every failure.. is a lesson.

We have always been the ones who decided our fate, every thought, every feeling, every decision you ever made led you to this moment right now.

But now, hopefully after you finish reading this, you can see how much more fulfilled your life can be because you are learning to embrace change, deter negativity, love yourself and say no.
Your life will start to unfold in front of you exactly the way you want it to once you start with these simple steps.

When we stop dwelling on the past and see that any past experiences have helped us move forward and get to where we are today, it is a wonderful thing.

Change for us, for example, is like a caterpillar going into a cocoon.

You see this example used for so many things, and no I don’t mean go hide away for a bit and then you’ll come out with a whole new makeover..
When we change, we need to withdraw into ourselves, we need to make a protective barrier between us, and the world. This cocoon we make helps shield us from any negativity or predators trying to tear us down, so we can be safe, and it allows us the right amount of time to go through our own amazing personal transformation.
It does take a while.. but like the example, once we are ready we will emerge, we now are ready and on our way to reaching our full potential, and having the most fulfilling life imaginable.

We emerge from our cocoon having transformed our mind, body and spirit, and are ready to take on the world like the beautiful butterflies we are.

Point is, you can’t not change. If you take the time for yourself, and embrace the changes that are coming your way.. you will be amazed.

So if you’ve been relating to any of these points then you’re most likely about to enter a very exciting time in your life.
Embrace it.
Good luck on your journey, and please leave a comment below with your own experiences I would love to hear some feedback!

MWA

 

9 Massive Signs Change Is Coming To Get You


 

Hello, are you there?
Living in the here and now.

Are you though?
Bare with me, if you're lost at the moment and/or having anxiety, don't judge the start of this,
don't blow it off like all other self help things you see and skim past.
You've heard it all before yeah?

Read it all. THEN you can message me complaining about it if you feel the need.

Firstly lets set the mood, got a distracted mind? Be very calm, be very aware and let yourself be open to soaking this all in.
Got it? Yay lets get some knowledge!

For a long, long time I deeply, deeply struggled with being present.. But you're here Sami, what the hell are you on about?
How many times have I said/written, I am finally alive.. well I think I may have unknowingly lied to you guys, oops sorry about that..

What I thought 'being here meant', was not actually the same as being “here now”.
Ah yes Sami, obviously you're “here”.. is this girl tripping or what?
Nope.

Here & Now,  It's a state of being here, being present in your mind, being aware,
not just the thought of knowing that you're here physically on this earth.

If you've ever experienced worry, doubt, dread or anxiety then I'm sure you can relate.

We go through life experiencing these things, sometimes horrible things,
and we think “why me, what did I do to deserve this I'm a good person”..

Why has this happened TO me..

What I've only just come to realise lately though through a spiritual sort of transition of my own,
is that these things don't happen TO us necessarily.

We hold onto these feelings and thoughts that we experienced at a specific point in time,
maybe once or twice, or it could've been ongoing for a while now.

Think back to a bad time in your life only for a brief second, does your heart race?
Do you feel the same as you did then?

Why does the simple act of remembering cause us to experience things presently NOW as they WERE, and not how they currently are?

We are NOT our feelings, we cannot really be defined by anyone, by anything, even a trait,
there is no word in the English language that can define you (obviously 'human' though I hope),
other than the simple knowing that we are alive, we are present.
There is no category we can be put in, unless we put ourselves in it.
You are not an “emo” you are not a “hippy”, you are you, a being, and things you do and experience
shape how you and others think you are. Make sense?

Stop letting others define you.

Our personality, beliefs, values, they are ever changing, and the only thing that ever stays the
same and could/should be defined is that somewhere inside you, you KNOW you are there, you know you are present.

Close your eyes for a second once you've read this paragraph, try and literally push all your thoughts aside,
you can hear and feel them whizzing in your brain, kill the constant chatter- our minds wont shut up unless we
push them to the side, to the back wherever, throw some gasoline on them and light them on fire, and feel the emptyness,
there is a space there, somewhere within you that can control and move these thoughts, and feelings aside.
Focus on pushing the thoughts away no matter how hard they keep coming back, and if you get that feeling,
of nothing, even if it's for a split second, well done. Try it now.

Of course when you bring yourself back to reality the thoughts will always re-surface time and time again,
it's a habit. So stop it. When you feel the negativity come, shut your brain off for a sec,
and chose to focus on something present, name a few things around the room, “Oh I can see the TV is on,
and I can hear a car down the street, the fridge keeps making noise”.. that is what is real, that is our current experience.

The more you try and do this, the more it will help you in more ways than one.
You are there, presently in your mind, and you can choose what to do with your body, your thoughts,
your words, your actions. Never forget that.

Did you feel it? If no, okay maybe I'm nuts, but I guarantee 100%, there is a space there, a calm,
a place of nothing besides knowing that we are somehow present right at that second.

This sense of being here right now, is very important.
Never forget that it is there for you to access as you need.

For those who suffer strongly with anxiety or a sense of being lost,
or disconnected with yourself- this is so crucial you remember and practise
this in your journey to a better fulfilment in life.

I can't even believe these words coming out of my mouth right now, who is this person? I feel like I should put on a floral headband,
buy a van and take a trip around Australia haha! (typical stereotype) but see that's not me. I'm an everyday mum,
2 kids that annoy me sometimes, sitting at a laptop, I have piercings and tattoos, I rather be by myself and I'm
certainly not a nature hugging person, but I have the similar mentality. You can have it to, doesn't mean you need to
start praying everyday or meditating 2 hours a week or going around saving animals and trees.. that might not be you.
You stay the same, the only thing that changes is your perception of yourself and of life and let me tell you
it is so enlightening! ( and yes maybe over the last week I have had more of a wanting to be outside,
but that's the kind of things you want to experience when you are living, it's refreshing).

If you're feeling now that you've “lost yourself”, I can safely say, you haven't.
You've simply “forgotten” how to find that sense of being present.

This is something that has resonated with me in my writing, I have always had a strong urge to
write about being lost and feeling lost- no matter what area in your life you're referring to,
it's all the same. I have written it a thousand times
“maybe we don't lose ourselves, maybe we just simply forget”, and as I'm writing this it has stuck
out to me and I realised that I never understood the meaning of the sentence properly until now!

You do forget yourself sometimes and it's terrifying, but having this knowledge now, and choosing to implement it..
can be some life changing epiphany type stuff!

In a sense, through writing and practising being 'present', I have truly found myself. I know I'm here,
I know what I feel and do is under my control and I tell ya now it's amazing. And it is a very handy skill.

In times of great struggle, you need the ability to pull yourself back into your mind,
draw everything back and just focus on being there, and knowing.

I know I may sound nuts, hell I know I'm struggling to understand this whole enlightenment mumbo jumbo myself,
and trust me I've been going through some real epiphany type stuff the past week that has completely freaked me out right down to my core.

First, don't be like me, and skip through these kind of posts because they're all airy fairy
and nonsense for do good hippies... I have never associated myself like that, we have this pre set
judgement in our head when it comes to talking about these kind of things, especially if you are very skeptical.

What helps us get to this “space” this “present” feeling you're rambling about?

Here it comes.. ready..

Meditation, oh boreeeeee.. that's what I thought, meditation, yoga, all that loving stuff is SO not me,
I'm strictly what I see, hear and feel kind of girl.
I have only done like... 5/10 seconds a day of purposely pulling myself into that space-
even if I'm not stressed or anything.. It's called forming a habit!

Are you thinking meditation, that's so not my thing..
Well maybe you stumbled across this post for a greater reason,
maybe just maybe this is the sign, the push you've needed in your own journey.

So do you know what meditation is?


For me, I thought, yep, meditating is sitting on the floor making weird hand signals and
just breathing to relax your body like a freak. They get all connected to themselves and crap.
Right? Maybe you're so busy,
“How am I going to make time to meditate when I don't even get a second to myself each day?” .. this is also me.

I never really KNEW what meditation was, I knew about it, but never understood that it was so much greater than “relaxing”.

After lots of research I have discovered that it is so much more than that,
so if you're struggling right now, with finding yourself, or finding your purpose or loving yourself,
any of that, I highly, highly recommend checking it out.
You can even download free apps that help you! (see end of post!!)

First time is always VERY weird, you might not feel like you're getting it, but each time,
it is easier and easier to find that place of solitude, that knowing, and it is so much more beneficial to you than you think.
It is an excellent way to rip you away from “life” and pull you back to “reality”, the here and now.

Bit of a personal story: A few years back my mind was very troubled (anxiety, depression the lot),
I sought help and ended up seeing a psychologist, I'd always refused the idea before because, well,
no-one can help me, I was too scared to find the truth because I wasn't sure I was strong enough to
keep my head a float, I wasn't ready, I wasn't quite there yet.

I spent the next few months at my sessions talking through all what I thought were MY issues,
I thought they were the problem at that point in time because that was all I could see, other people.

I thought these “issues” surrounding me were the root cause of my misery and anxiety.

I can hear myself now saying, “This happened and this person did this, and it made me feel … xyz”
I'd be in tears because I felt like the issue was presently effecting me right at that second, and I couldn't shake these issues.
I found it really strange though, I thought through it all and I KNEW how to fix my life,
or so I thought. I spoke all the answers and then went off to implement all this change in my life, it was so terrifying by the way.

I thought that by finding a purpose or path in life to follow and throwing myself in the deep end would make my current problems go away.

So I did that, I thought I knew what I wanted, to help people, I've always strongly felt that was my purpose,
but was unsure in what way, so I figured I liked kids and went and became a Qualified Early Childhood Educator..
I went on to be a room leader for 2-3 year olds and although I liked doing it, I still felt empty and wrong like
I was going the wrong way, even though I had no clue what the “right” way was. It wasn't satisfying,
for you it could be that you want to help people by giving them amazing hair, you might want to do a trade.. whatever it may be you'll know.
(tip: think back to when you were a teen, what were some of your life dreams then?
Usually around 16/17 is when you're at your truest.. try exploring those options,
even if you've felt you couldn't make it, or it's too hard, too long to study, to hard an industry.. doesn't matter)

Fast forward a few years later and here I am, without a job, with no money or savings to my name,
without a clear specific goal or focus on my future, but I now have direction, which was there all along,
and I found it in that little space in my mind when I pushed everything aside.

Sounds so simple doesn't it.. and in a way it is.. but it's the belief, confidence and love you have for yourself that will see you through.

Anyway, point is, I have purpose now, and here I am broke with a heart full of love,
wanting to give and share with others, and the only way I know how to do that at the
moment is through writing. It always has been, it just took me 26 years to realise!
Will I make money off it? Who the heck knows?! If it's meant to happen, it will.

So if you are at a point in your life where you're unsure, just know, literally, everything happens for a reason,
and if you're not ready to accept it yet that's okay, it simply means you are not READY yet, you may try and fail
time and time again, think you've found yourself and then lose it again.. it's okay.

If this gets across to you but you don't have the drive to do anything about it yet that's okay,
I strongly believe that those who read this will take what they need from it. Maybe it was something
you needed to hear, or needed to remind yourself of, either way, I'm here anytime.

I'm not Jesus Christ re-incarnated, I'm not some weirdo hippy (no judgements if you classify yourself as one),
I do not fit into a category, I am me, I am present, and all I want is to help you.
So if you're feeling strongly that you're connecting with this on some level,
and have a gut feeling you want to contact me and chat, do it. You will if you were meant to anyway 🙂

Going off track a little as I usually do.
Let's take it back to the story for a little, so a few years back, Helen (my psychologist) always said to me,
“Sam, you're not living in the now, you need to live here, right now, focus on what's REALLY going on”.
“Yeah yeah shrink, same old words you say to everybody that has no specific meaning or intention to me personally..” that was me..

It took me a long time to actually TRY and process all of this, I just wanted a solution right that second,
I wanted to be instantly fixed. And as we always see, there is NO ultimate cure or technique that will
snap us into the right way, life is a process of learning.

Helen gave me exercises and examples to try when I had a few spare minutes,
-when you're having a shower, focus, quiet your mind, think about the water running down your back,
take your mind off those lists you have to do of xyz, drown out your kids needs, your relationship issues,
your job.. even focus on these words or a sentence and push everything away. Truly realise you are here,
right that second, having a shower, feeling, smelling, breathing, being alive, and that nothing is effecting you right now.

You're here now, not yesterday when someone called you a bitch, not tomorrow when you have a job interview,
not 4 years ago when your ex manipulated and ruined you.

You are here NOW, we do not need to focus on these things that are not current.
We get so caught up in our physical being, our looks, our friends, our jobs, our cars, and the busy-ness of
the world that we don't take a second to stop and pull back and really be for a second.
We always have to think, or occupy our minds with tv, friends, media.. if we are not then we are not “accepted”
as a normal part of this world. Obviously there are some things we need to focus on but understand, think or worry
about when the time it is current or about to happen.

We are so stuck in this world that we often forget that we even exist!
That we can make an impact, that we can find quiet through all the noise, anxieties and stresses of life.

I hope this makes sense to someone else as deeply as it does to me, I would love some reassurance that I'm not crazy haha!
And though all this stuff is coming out, I am here inside still, the personality I have is still here,
I just have a greater sense of myself... and wowwww I can see how crazy that would sound to others.

If this was me reading this a week ago.. I probably would've skimmed this post and just got out of it honestly.
That is how much of a significant change this whole understanding and learning to be present has given me,
that I just want to drive down the streets with my windows down yelling at strangers to wake up! Haha!

Your thoughts and words stain your mind, just remember that.
If you're constantly letting yourself feel bad, anxious feelings then you're letting yourself slip.
Not to say you're purposely making yourself miserable, but you kinda are, subconsiously anyway.

You don't have to believe it, you can continue to blame your surroundings your lifestyle..
whatever you want, but you shouldn't have to put a blame on anyone, it does nothing at all.
Definately do not BLAME yourself, you just didn't know, you weren't aware. And now you are so let's keep moving forward.

What does something, is you, being there, and finding that space in your mind,
and making decisions that will impact your life positively.

You see/read it everywhere, “you are what you eat, you are who you surround yourself with..” and that is 100% true.
We often skim past these, yeah yeah eat healthy, love yourself, we get it.
But do you? You might, but you might just not want to really listen, and if that's the case it's okay,
you're completely normal, come back to this post as you remember it in time of need.

Bit of a trigger warning here, if you're not comfortable you can skip this part,

but it will help you grasp the understanding better.

I want you now to think of a trigger, what sets you off, what makes you anxious,
what brings up sad feelings? It could be anything, a thought, a memory, an experience you once had,
or something that happened last week, it could even be something you're worried about in the future.
Have you pictured it? Is your heart racing? Are you overwhelmed with emotions or feelings from that time/experience?

Take notice. Now that you're feeling it, STOP.

How though?????? Thanks Sami you've made me feel crap now.
No, your mind did.

Tell yourself, that this trigger, or this experience, is something you are creating by feeding it more,
even right now by allowing yourself to get worked up about it.

Think about RIGHT NOW, is that experience happening? No. It's not.
You went through it already, or haven't experienced it yet. So why are you feeling it now?

You're probably just sitting somewhere.. your house.. your friends.. work.. wherever you may be.
You're reading this right now and it's going into your mind, creating a new memory for you to draw from.

Now it's your turn to read these words and let them settle in you.

You are here, right now, reading this. Sitting and reading something on the internet should not cause you
to have the emotional reaction to what you're feeling right now, this is something you have felt before,
or think you will feel in the future. It no longer exists right now unless you let it. Right now you can
feel a calm, feel your heat beating and tell yourself, slow down, I am fine, I am here, I am not in present danger,
I am not in a life threatening situation, I am just reading.
I can slow my heart down right now, focus on breathing in through my nose and blowing my stomach up like a balloon,
and exhale slowly through my mouth imagining my heart calming, go to that place in your mind that is dark,
force yourself to NOT think about anything, let it linger, realise where you are and that you are okay.

You can do it, and each time you feel yourself slipping back, the heart starts racing, remind yourself, no,
it's not even happening now, I'm being a freak, I am currently feeling... “tired because I didn't sleep well
last night... hungry.. bored.. lonely..”.. and let your mind go to current things.

When you realise your reactions, repetitive thoughts and feelings have shaped your life up until this point today,
and will continue to affect your future emotional state of being- it is so much easier to disconnect
yourself from these anxieties, worries and resurfacing memories.
Nobody wants to live like that.

So why are you living in the past and the future?

When you focus on being present and here it is a very powerful thing.

If this at all resonates with you I hope it stays with you and you remember it in your most desperate times of need.
Even if it's a quick thought, use me if you need,
“Ok. I'm freaking out, Sami says don't forget you're here right now, stop freaking out,
if you don't believe it and you can't pull yourself back, message Sami, message a loved one,
they can help pull me back down until I learn to do it myself.”

Email me! I don't want any of you to feel anxious or worried, so as I said, I am here.
We are all here for a reason whether you believe it or not. I know mine, maybe it's time for you to live right now and find out.

Pull yourself back into reality, even if its only focusing on that space for 5 seconds a day,
it makes it so much easier to draw from in times of need, go to that space.

Find your 'presence' in this moment right now, you don't even have to think anything.
It is always there, the space never disappears, you may forget how to find it, but it is there.
Find your head space, find you.

If you want to read up more I would really suggest these:

What The Hell is Meditation & Why do it?
Best Free Phone Apps - Meditation/Mindfulness
Meditation for beginners

Leave a comment below if anything resounds with you!

Living in the here and now. Trigger Warning


 

So here’s where I’m going to start off,

In September last year I left my job as a Room Leader in an Early Learning Centre to pursue my
career in writing and find my true purpose and passions in life.

First off, this probably wasn’t the best idea.
I left, with $5000 in my house savings account, that I figured I could get by on until
my kids went back to school, and that I’d mysteriously still have enough to live until my writing picks up..

-buzzer- wrong.

Here I am a few months into my journey and well, guess what, I’m flat broke,
I’m talking that whole $5000 that I worked and saved SO hard for,
for like the 3rd time in my life..
slowly drained down to nothing.

Now what??
I don’t know?! Am I failing? Feels like it a little bit.

 

What would Sami(me) usually do in this situation?

Quit. Give up. Give in to those emotions, feel sorry for myself and cry ..
(ok I did before for like 5 minutes before I pulled myself together),
go out and start looking for a full time job that completely kills my passion for writing?
No.

This time is different, because I need to do this, I need to prove to myself that I
can be persistent and that I can achieve things if I try.
I need to show my children that it’s okay to have struggles in life,
and not have that luxury money to buy them special little treats every week or a slurpee when it’s hot..
I need to show them that you can overcome obstacles, you need to be pro-active,
you need to keep looking forward mentally and move forward through hard times.

And it is so hard, so many times lately I have begun to doubt myself and start
thinking about failing, and when I think about it, these things start to happen.

Change your perspective & Re-focus

So I changed my perspective, from oh no poor me what am I going to do,
to WHAT AM I ACTUALLY GOING TO DO ABOUT THIS.
And then ask myself, okay what’s next, what do I need to do to get through this,
to fix these money issues I have, there can be a solution so what is it?

Okay so I’m starting to feel a little better, I’m looking up options to pay for the kids school books,
and luckily their school has a great payment plan option for parents.
Using gift vouchers to buy food.. that’s a new one.. but very thankful I was given those vouchers
since they’ve come in handy at a time like this.
Only buying the essentials.
And by the way, my problems are first world problems, I am very aware of this,
there are so many more people with it worse off, and it sucks,
this is why I hope to inspire others, even when you feel like you have nothing left,
no matter where you are from.
do. not. give. up.

Reaching out to family that offer support, great to have there, and I have never been
one to like asking for money since I moved out of home at 18. There’s something about it that makes you feel like..
you’re failing. So you have this huge sense of pride and end up figuring out a way to handle it on your own other
than going to your parents. Go figure.
Great, when you’re really desperate for help, I know my parents will always help me as much as they can. I’m very lucky.

 

So what am I going to do in a realistic sense?

Work HARDER.
Yep you heard, though I’ve nearly worked 8-12 hours every day for the last few months
(though it doesn’t FEEL like work as I love it!), so I need to be more prepared.
I need to make a time sheet for every day,
make more use out of my time.
Work on my book more, reach out to more people.
And you have to do all this constantly so people stay attentive and interested..

It is much more work and effort than I originally thought.
There is so much work that goes into just creating your own website..
you will never understand until you have done it yourself haha!

I am also starting to look for a casual job just to help, we are getting by okay but could use the extra funds.

Did I really think I’d be bringing in the big bucks after a few months of setting up my site?

No.
Honestly no, I have read many things that say it takes a lot of time.

So why did this happen?
Well, I didn’t budget properly, and we thought we could afford it on one persons wage,
turns out it was too late before we realised the money was all gone.
Poop.
There goes any chance of getting that house deposit anytime soon.

 

Is it possible?

Yes absolutely, but you would have to budget very hard, have pre prepared a lot,
and be prepared to live on the essentials, be focused, motivated,
and not give up when things start getting hard.

Do I plan on making money through my site?

Honestly, no.
The only thing I wanted to make money from was being an Author, selling my own writing.
That is the dream, but if I can make a little extra on the side that would be great.

Is it easy to make money in this industry….

hell no.. umm have you seen how many blogs there are out there?!?!!

Who am I to compare to any of them?

Well.. doesn’t matter. Because for once I’m sticking to my dream, I want to write and sell
my own books to people, and connect with and inspire and empower women and young parents in Australia and around the globe.

I’m going to do everything in my power, and you know what, if I continue to do that with
the passion I have now, there is no way I will fail, because I will never give up until I am satisfied.

When will I be satisfied?
I’m not sure… when I’ve published one book maybe.. maybe 10.. maybe when I have enough to buy a house.. maybe never!

So hopefully, we make it through the next few weeks, and hopefully,
I get this book finished soon and get the word out there.

But you know, I can’t do it without you guys, if no one sees it..
how will anyone know how good it is or know that they NEEEEED to buy it?

 

 

My take-away message for today, just be persistent.

Do not give up on what it is you want out of life, you have to keep pushing through!
You will never fail unless you give up, you have the power, be strong.
Keep your head in the game, always focusing on the NEXT MOVE,
especially if you have hit a rough patch, don’t focus on the what, focus on the- what’s our next move.

My next post will be the actual first post, from the beginning of my journey.
What my first moves were, the mistakes, the statistics.
As long as you promise not to laugh k?

Leave a comment! Have you started a blog with no money?

Don’t forget to share to get the word out there. You can also subscribe at the bottom of the page to get notified when new posts are up!

MWA

Can A Mum Live Off $5000 while Starting A ...



20 birthday ideas when you're in your late twenties!

Each year you notice that your birthday becomes a little less important.

And then you get asked, “what’re you doing for your birthday?”

“uh, who, me?.. I don’t really do parties anymore.. I’m too old.”
So is it time to break out the party hats?

Top 20 Cheap Ideas For Womens Birthday’s when in your Late Twenties

So I figured, even though I’ll probably end up going to bed early on my birthday, why not suss out what others my age are doing ..

1. Go to dinner << Hands down delish!
2. Go to a concert in Melbourne.

4. Comedy Club – The Comics Lounge Melbourne << Who doesn’t like a laugh.


5. Spa Day Retreat! Who doesn’t love the famous Hot Springs!

7. Karaoke Bar Melbourne.. If I wanted to humiliate myself.. maybe

8. The Thousand steps … umm hell no thankyou, I do not want to be excercising on my Birthday unless it’s by breaking out some dance moves.

9. Go to an Art Gallery, YAWN!
10. Coffee & Cake .. Now this I can do. Trying different slices, cake and coffee yes please! This place looks great, Macaroons!

11. Queen Vic Market Shopping Spree. Gotta love the cheap stuff, and the fooooood! Or hit up the Night Market

12. Hitting the tables at Crown Casino! Or the food, the movies, the shops!

13. Hire a Party Bus & go crazy! To old for this or..?

14. House Party Ideas.. but the clean up..

15. Wine and Cards Against Humanity.. or vodka rather! Lots of fun!

16. Throw a Themed Party.. mmmm you have to have friends for that.
17. Book a last minute get away! You can find some really cheap deals with WOTIF!

18. Movie & Snacks Girls Night In. This would be one of my favourite to do’s, man I really need to get out more!

19. Bowling! Laser Tag! Alcohol! Strike is where it’s at.

20. Sleepover party! Where the best part is that.. you get to SLEEP! #



https://www.instagram.com/samileex/

Chuck in a comment below, what ideas do you have for Birthday Parties in Your Late 20’s?
I would love to hear your ideas!

MWA!

Top 20 Cheap Ideas For Womens Birthday’s when in ...


Here is a list of some personal qualities/values that I feel
benefit you as a person, to help you live a happier life.

If you’re reading this, chances are you’re soul searching or you frequently get called a d*ck.

Either way, I’ve listed a few tips to help you have quality relationships/friendships
and a better quality of life so you don’t go down in history as a prick.

I’m not going to order them as they’re all equally as important!
Give or take what you want, and no this isn’t my idea of “perfect”,
remember, it doesn’t exist. I’ve just personally found these have
helped my life become a little softer around the edges.

* R.E.S.P.E.C.T – bet you saw that coming. But wait, we have lost the definition of respect over time.
Here is the dictionary definition,
“A sense of the worth, or excellence of another person.”

Let that soak in for a sec, there is so little respect now a days, respect is regarded as “treat someone how you want to be treated”
“treat others nicely”. No. It is so much bigger than that.

Respect, is understanding, accepting and acknowledging another persons worth, value, and self as a WHOLE.

Stew on it for a little.
If you can choose to respect everyone for the amazing, individual people they are- and disregard their “negative qualities/habits” or parts of them that you disagree with, then you are TRULY understanding the word and respecting them.

Now this doesn’t mean that you have to be best mates with this person, you don’t have to see them all the time, but when you engage with someone.. anyone.. it should only be with respect, because everyone deserves it.

If you really feel like you can’t treat someone with respect in any given situation either dont talk at all, remove yourself from the situation or person and respect that they are who they are, but that you don’t have to subject yourself to negative people or environments if you don’t want to.

 

Know when to shut your mouth

Is there a word for that..? Haha!
There is usually a time and place for certain things to be said. Before, during or after a conversation you may be offending, embarrasing someone or speaking out of context without realising, or maybe you do.
You don’t want to be a d*ck for sharing an opinion you have when it’s something that is much better left unsaid, or kept to a private one on one conversation.

Think before you speak

Will what I say offend or embarrass them?
Should I be saying this in private.. is it rude.. is it necessary to the conversation.. will it have bad consequences?

Don’t get me wrong, I am all for opinionating yourself, but there is a time and a place, you don’t want to be a mean girl.

Don’t be a Mean Girl

We’ve all seen the movie, sure you can live a life like that if you choose,

but you’ll probably be upsetting a lot of people on the way, surely that can’t make you happy.

If you’ve got something mean to say, say it nicely.

If you feel that there is something necessary to be said, try not to be sarcastic, try to be as nice as possible,

and do not say “I’m not trying to be offensive but….”
we ALL know that something offensive is coming after that.

Try saying mean things nicely, though you may want to strangle them – be genuine.

For example: you have a best friend who’s dating an absolute moron (we’ve all had or been one of these),
they keep getting back with this jerk when he’s hurting your friend constantly.

You could say something like: “I’m going to be honest with you because I care, and it’s from the bottom of my heart. I know ultimately it’s your decision, but I don’t like seeing you hurt and I really just feel like your boyfriend isn’t treating you how you deserve to be treated and I just want to see you happy..”

See, nice, not too offensive, it’s genuine.. don’t say something like
“You should just break up with him he’s such a d*ck why do you even like him”….
Who’s had one of these friends?
Of course that’s going to piss you righttttt off.

Your words can have a huge impact on peoples reaction towards you, and their self esteem.

Try REAAAALLY hard not to get involved in regular gossip.

Yes ladies, you can’t deny it.
I’ve struggled with this recently and got sucked into it. I felt like a teen again!
It took me a long time, but I eventually cut myself from the negative environment and didn’t
expose myself to it anymore.

Stay positive, gossip is a very, very self destructive, negative habit.
Honestly, gossip opens up a whole world of drama, issues and karma.

Stop the Goss today
-change the subject
-excuse yourself
-let your friends know you’re over it and want to spend time doing fun, productive, positive things.
-have a good mindset :

We should be respecting and uplifting one another.
Negativity breeds Negativity.

Know what you stand for.
What are your personal values, what kind of person do you want to be remembered as? What are your passions, your fears.

 

Have confidence and dignity – don’t be up yourself.

Confidence in ourselves is important. Imagine I’d never been confident enough to share my writing?
It’s hard to be confident when you feel the opposite, but be humble and stay classy in your confidence.
Having “confidence” doesn’t always have to translate to, lets take 100 photos of myself with next
to no clothes on because I’m confident.. but if that’s something you really want to do.. your choice!

Be graceful and humble during big wins or losses.

Dont be a sore loser, we live and learn.
Don’t be one of THOSE winners either, unless the situation absolutely calls for it.

Distance yourself from anger and yelling.

No matter the reason, try to control it.

You don’t have to respond angrily to situations or people if you choose.
If you feel yourself about to yell at the kids.. a friend, or you can just feel the rage boiling inside,

TAKE A BREATH and close your eyes for a sec. Explain calmly to the offender or even to yourself,
“I’m starting to feel cross, I would really like xyz… I’m going to go outside for a while to calm down”

Stay calm, keep an even, crazy lady tone, say what you need, then remove yourself from the situation.
It gets easier!

Know how to identify negative thoughts.

This helps with our happiness, it’s great especially if you’re a worry wart or experience anxiety.
It can really help you live a more positive life.

If you can feel yourself thinking negatively, immediately stop yourself.

 

Be there for friends and family- they come next.

They’re your blood.. But if they are having a negative influence on your life.. dont be afraid to stand up for yourself. We don’t get to pick our families and chances are that you’re not going to love every single family member you have.

Be civil: agree to disagree.

Accept that we all have different opinions based on personal beliefs, lifestyle, experiences, cultures etc.

You don’t always have to be right in a fight.
(unless you’re a mum, we always are)
It’s okay to be wrong, it’s okay to admit, and it’s okay to apologise straight away.

“I’m sorry, I was wrong, I didn’t mean to argue but I get it, can we not fight?”

Truly, it feels good to soak up your pride sometimes,

it saves so much time and effort spent fighting an being angry – especially in relationships.

 

What are some qualities that you have and want to share with others?
Speak up! It may benefit someone!

MWA!

How to be a decent human being


How to be more you

If you’ve read the previous post Outcasts of today’s society – Unmask your true self then we are on the right track!

First off, well done!
If you’ve landed on this post chances are you’re on your own journey to Unmasking yourself- this is awesome!
And here I am to remind you that you don’t have to hide anymore!

We are doing this together.
If you would like to chat with me about anything or share your story you can get in touch with me here.

Okay, so. You’re not really feeling like yourself at the moment are you?
Well that’s okay! You’re not due for a check up at the psych ward, it is normal!

Somewhere along the way you’ve lost yourself, whether it was by choice, or from past
experiences, traumas or scrutiny, we are going to start TODAY!
Right now.

The main thing I want to discuss today is the small tweaks we make to ourselves,

our peronalities, our opinions, our values or our looks – to fit in with other peoples
idea of normal or perfect.

So maybe you haven’t noticed it yet, but we are all guilty as charged here, everyday!

” I can’t wear that to my grandparents house.. what if they think/say..”

“I’m not going to tell them they stuffed up my food order.. because I don’t want to be THAT lady”..

“I’ll turn my music down at the traffic lights, this song is embarrasing”

“yeah I love that new tv show!!! (never even heard of it)..”

I want you to think for a minute, write a list of all the things you’ve been doing/saying differently that kind of shadow the REAL you.

 

How to start today

1) You’ve just woken up today, what are your plans for today? Are your plans aligned with what YOU want to do?

Or, maybe your plans revolve around keeping others happy, or keeping up appearances,
or maybe it’s something you kinda have to do (like work, food shop.. the neccessaties)

Is there anything planned that you really don’t want to do? Why?

If so, you’ve already identified some negative triggers in your life,
you can now alter these activities to revolve around you, what makes you happy..
maybe it’s getting a new job because your current one is negative and you’re unpassionate about it.
This is something we can touch on more in the future.

Maybe your friends want you to go out to a club, but it’s your only day off and you honestly want to stay home and have a lazy day.
You miss your friends and may not see them for a little while, so what’re you going to do?
Maybe you’d still go out and have fun but regret it tomorrow when you’re broke and tired..
We need to fix this: there are exceptions though- eg. your friend needs a ride to hospital.. of course you should go and help if its life and death.

I’m all for being a good friend, BUT if you ignore your friend or cancel on them, they’ll be mad right?

If you start today, and start being honest and just letting them know,
“hey look, I’m not feeling 100% today, I need a day to myself I hope you understand
and I promise to see you when I’m feeling myself again.”

If they’re a real friend, of course they will understand.
You want friends that have good qualities, not one who will hold a friendship
against you or end a friendship over something like that.

 

Do what YOU want, listen to your body, what do you need?

2) What do you want to wear today? No, but actually think about it.

Forget what everyone else thinks.
Have you been dressing the same as others or wearing whats “in fashion” but you don’t feel you’re truly expressing yourself?
Maybe you want to wear a rainbow sweater with a cat on it.. do it! Who cares what others think?

Do you want to define yourself,

or let the fear of others judgement or opinions define who you truly are?

I’m telling you now, it takes some time, but small steps each day creates a habit.

We need to change our subconsious worry and fears – we identify them and change them.
(I talk alot about this in depth in my Ebook that will be out sooooon!)

So when we start to feel ourselves conforming to societys standards again, we can go,
hangon, that’s not me, that’s not what I want, I’m not going to tone myself down anymore.
SCREW THE HATERS! BE YOU!

You want crazy hair today? Go for it.
Always wanted tattoos/piercings, go fot it! (if youre under 18 maybe check with your school rules and parents though!! haha)
Want to wear trackies and uggies, you go for it girl!
You’ll notice that you’ll be a lot happier when you start making these small changes and start being more you.

3) What’s your opinion today? Where is your voice?

Have you been shutting your mouth because it’s not worth the trouble?
Not worth who’s trouble.. yours or theirs..?
Stand up for what you think is right and justifyable.

Maybe someone has offended you or you’re too scared to stand up to a rude friend
or family member who has been making you feel be-littled or worthless.

Do you really know and understand how you deserve to be treated? If no, go here.

If someone is treating you any less than you deserve, SPEAK UP.

Now I’m not saying jump in your car and start ramming down every person who ever looked at you wrong.
There is a wrong and a right way to deal with haters and that’s wrong lol.

One of the best ways I’ve personally found works well, and usually shocks the other person, is to say

 “I don’t like the way you’re speaking to me, it’s making me feel like cr*p, and I’m not going to allow you
to treat me like that, so I’m not going to subject myself to it anymore, Cya!”

It gives them a good dose of shock, and makes them think about how they’ve been acting. Hopefully things get resolved for the better.

Start voicing your own opinion, today. What impact on this world will you have?
You may have the power to help people just by voicing your opinion, there will be atleast
one other person out there who connects and agrees.

4) Who are you today?

Maybe you’ve had a cr*ppy week and you need a grumpy day- we all have and need these on occasion.

You can choose how you want your day to be, it’s your attitude, your choice.

So what’s your attitude towards yourself today?
Miserable? We need to make some changes.
“I want to have the best day every day”? Great!
Moods aren’t constant, they’re variable, so we can choose.

Our moods effect us and our productivity, so be YOU today.

If you want to do something out of the ordinary or something amazing, tell yourself in the morning,
repeat it. Self talk is great!

If you’re feeling low, tell yourself,

“It’s okay to feel this way, but I do want to find myself, what I love and make the most of life, so today I’m going to do exactly what I want to do right now… and be lazy 😛 And tomorrow I will … “

Remember, SMALL steps, It’s okay to put yourself first!

This goes to all MUMS especially too, it’s okay to do things for YOU sometimes,
don’t worry about the opinion of sheep.

Doing things for me, is one huge thing I learnt during my own Psychologist sessions.
We get so caught up in the needs of our children that we completely forget about ourself!
A Happy mum makes happy kids!

There is NO such thing as perfect! (Except for our own kids :P)

If you’ve found something has helped you be more you,
please leave a comment and share your wisdom with other women around the world!
So today, I’m going to put on a choker necklace, wear what I want,
put on a tonne of makeup (because I want to), make myself look nice,
and I’m going to go to the beach with the kids and shamelessly blare the music and dance with the kids on the drive.

MWA

How To Start Being You Today – Small Steps



Outcasts of today's society

Being afraid to openly express yourself as a teenager it’s hard.

So many people judge you, it’s not like when youre an adult,
you have to see these kids every fricken day! .. for years! ( I guess work counts though right?)
Making one “mistake” as a teen can cause your life to turn to crap over night.

As you get older, you become wiser, but majority of us are still struggling with who we are, what we’re doing here,
what job/career path we should take, all whilst worrying about what our co-workers think, what others our age think,
what other “parents” will think, how to be the best parent or girlfriend.

We try and fit ourselves into this category, and you know, it actually doesn’t really exist.
It’s called “perfection”

So many people have perfected the “look” of their lives, so that others dont judge you too harshly, they see your outer
shell- of this perfect person and life you’re trying to portray.

Tell me, why is it so important to fit in?
Afraid of being outcasted into society and labelled accordingly?

If we lived in a world where everyone supported you in every aspect of your life and built you up to be someone of success and importance, answer this,
what would you start doing today?

Would you continue to live life the same, following others peoples ideas of a “perfect life” or would you take
the chance and be yourself to the fullest.. because everyone agrees with you and supports you and thinks you’re great?

I probably would, noone to oppose you right?

So let me ask now, why are you trying to fit in with other peoples view of perfect?

Take control of your life and start un-masking TODAY.

1) What do you want out of your life?

This always changes as we grow older and wiser, what stage are you at in your journey?

Maybe you’re in your teens and you’re focusing on exams, considering uni’s,
or maybe you really want to date that guy, or get that dream job.
Either way, if you are not truly being you, then you’re most likely setting
yourself up for a mediocre, averagely satifsying life.

“I hide who I am, I don’t want to be judged for being different”

Let me give some examples here,
For me, I was too afraid to tell people what music I was into, because it was very different to a lot of girls at my school.

“I wanted piercings and tattoos, to sing in a band or do broadway.. writing or acting.. where as every
other girl my age wanted to be a fashion designer, lawyer, graphic designer, teacher..”

I dropped out of school after year 11, I was scared to be different and to fail
in my chosen area, not many people make it in those industries right?
I left my dreams behind at highschool, and pursued a normal job that I wasn’t passionate about.

I didn’t know how to act as a teen, I felt like I was being criticised by everyone.

“I was very emotional and didn’t know how to be myself in a world thats definition of perfect is so skewed.”

So I shut off, I made friends outside school who “Accepted” me, my interests,
they never judged the way I wanted to look and encouraged me to be myself.

But when I was around other people who I felt judged me (everyone else) I began to put on a mask,
and I never really felt like I fit in, it made my adolescent years very difficult.

How our generation dramatically changed.

Nowadays, there are a lot more “clicks” which I think is good in a few ways, but bad in others.
These “clicks” give teens so many different ways to express themselves and their individuality – it is easier to find friends who accept you and have similiar interests.

Bad side: you get labelled, and you sometimes get caught up in it, and start to accept the label that other people give you.

What we need to do is stop labelling one another.
Why? Because everyone changes, the world changes, something that once was, isn’t always.

The whole labelling thing can be dangerous, it limits you to a category.

We are not categories, we are individuals, you don’t need to be defined
by anyone but yourself!

So are you ready? Who are you? What do you like?

A song just came on, and I nearly changed it out of habit.
Do you change the music depending on who’s around?
Do you turn it down when people sit next to you on the train, or pull up next to you at the traffic lights?
Why?

Screw Society! Screw those randoms opinions of your music taste, don’t be ashamed.

Stop stopping yourself from doing these little things..
Stop changing the way you dress in fear of judgement.

I have always wanted to wear those cute choker necklaces for example, but I get nervous (dont ask why) some how because I’m a mum
with tattoos and piercings, that people will judge me for wearing one?? So silly! Screw it, I’m going to do it. And I’m going to shamelessly post 4930845 pictures of myself wearing one! haha! #shameless #shamelesslyme



Maybe you’ve been afraid to voice your opinion in fear of scrutiny?

Well guess what hunny, we are all entitled to an opinion – if someone disagrees.. not the end of the world. Move along.

The first way to un-mask yourself,
are you ready?

Stop altering small parts of yourself, your personality, your values,
and your looks to fit the criteria of others perception of “perfect”.

Be you, shamelessly.

Try and start today.
How to start being YOU today – Small Steps

Send in a pic holding a sign and hashtag #shamelesslyme #noshame #unmasked

and send it in to [email protected]
to be featured on this page!
Join the movement 🙂

MWA!

Outcasts of todays society – Unmask Your True Self


What the hell is self talk?

Self talk is a proven way to help you overcome bad habits or
thought patterns that are currently affecting our mood and our lives.
Does self talk work?
YES ABSOLUTELY!

When I first discovered self talk I thought it was a load of rubbish,
and was set off to start fixing my life by buying things I wanted,
or things that made me look and feel better.. but then I’d look in the mirror
and go BLERGH YUCK WHAT IS THIS ABOMINABLE CREATURE?! I’d then go off about my
day worrying about how I looked or what people thought of me simply because
I didn’t like what I saw, I re confirmed it by thinking it in my mind,
and then acted upon that each and every day.

Do you do this?

It’s such a vicious cycle and we get sucked into it so easily,
for example the famous “Mean Girls”.. “My pores are huge.. I have really bad breath in the morning”..
We as women (males too) constantly criticise ourselves over what? Media?
Pictures of models or a “normal body” we criticise ourselves over being
a good girlfriend or wife – I’m not good enough, they don’t love me..
by comparing ourselves to what we see others do or people that have it good “online”.
This is all we see, because it is all we WANT to see.

What if you changed the way you thought..

How do you feel when a friend of yours who is pretty and skinny says
“ew I look gross today, or my tummy is so big”.. you give them a death stare.
Why? Because you don’t believe what they’re saying.. did you get mad at them?
“Oh p*ss off, you’re so skinny I’d kill to look like you”..

We need to stop this. It is so poisonous and we are ALL guilty of it.

There is a difference that we need to be careful of though,
there are people who will complain about themselves simply for attention
(yes, it’s true), sometimes it’s nice to hear compliments from people when
you are feeling down about yourself, sometimes you just need an affirmation that you look good.
And then there are the people who actually in their own minds, do not own themselves,
they do not believe or love themselves, they do not see their true inner beauty,
and they definitely don’t see how beautiful and lucky they are to be given this
wonderful opportunity to make a life for themselves!

 

I used to struggle with it a lot. My personal experiences (that will come out through posts eventually)
really affected me, or rather I let them affect me, and I continued to feed the negative self thoughts,
without realising it would make it so much harder to back track and change those habits in the future.

Well now I’m there.. 10+ years later, and only over the past few years ( about ¾ years ago)
I decided to change everything, and find myself, find my self worth again and start from scratch.
Let me tell you it was scary, and hard, and I had fall backs and set backs thrown at me like you
wouldn’t believe. But through it all, here I am. Still fighting, still loving myself and
telling myself daily what I’m worth, and not accepting anything less.

It’s all a state of mind, and the earlier you realise it the better.

If you’re doubting this while reading right now then hopefully I’m pointing
out right now another of your negative habits, looking for help and denying
it or rejecting it before actually putting in 100% effort.

If you are, STOP doing it, replace it RIGHT NOW with,

“I recognise right now that I am thinking negatively and having lots of doubt in myself
being able to achieve this.. BUT I choose to start believing, I choose to start being positive,
I choose to make a change, I choose to let this all soak in, I choose to TRY and start affirming
myself positively and changing my thoughts. I WANT to be free, I WANT control over myself,
I WANT to be happy, I WANT to love what I see in the mirror everyday and I WILL”.

 

Self help tips and excercises.

Self talk is initially about listening: listen to yourself, what are you telling yourself daily?
What thoughts are you processing and why? Are they positive or negative?

Girl, you have so much power in your mind, you just need to tap into it to get started.
Really think about it, and eventually you will start to notice that you do these
things and have negative thoughts a lot of the time for different things.
If you notice them start to write them down in a journal.

For each negative I want you to write a polar opposite, something to be positive about,
or change the words around- make them pro-active thoughts.

Example: “I hate the way I look in shorts”… Why? What can you do about it?
“I am not happy with the way I look in shorts because I think my legs are huge,
so from now on I can accept that as a part of me and decide to be happy
and settle, or I can change it, and start going for a 10 minute walk a day…”

“I hate my hair”.. why? What are you going to do about it? “I hate my hair so
I’m going to look up styles to fix and try something new.. but I don’t have money…
but I will not let this barrier stop me, I can ask friends to help me fix up my hair..
or start saving up to get a colour”…

Instead of focusing on the negative, focus on the things you can do to change it into a positive..
Not so hard when you read it huh?
Seem silly? NO, STOP!

Start affirming yourself daily

Whatever your goal is, you need to identify it.

Whether it’s “love myself ultimately” or “make the most out of life” or maybe it’s just
that you want to “start my journey to finding myself and being positive about my image slowly”..

Whatever your chosen goal, you need to start positively affirming yourself in regards to that.

Example: I want to accept my looks or love my looks- your positive affirmation
for the day would be something like

“I am a beautiful person on the inside and out,
I am going to start loving myself, and appreciating myself for who I am as a person.
Though I may not see my true beauty myself, I am starting to accept that I am me and I love me.”
You can even start with something very simple- “Today I am going to look at myself in the mirror,
and say, you are beautiful, you are in control of YOU”.

You may not believe it at first, but that’s okay!
It does seem silly, and make sure no one sees you doing it or they may
be scared off (hehe), you don’t even have to say it out loud!

Try starting with one affirmation a day, you can also try writing it all out. (Writing helps me loads!)

Each day gradually build up your self talk, you will notice over time that your self talk goes from specific things,
and as you begin to love and accept yourself, your positive self talk gets shorter and shorter and more generalised ..
because you’ve learnt to let go of things that are negative, and focus on the positives in life.
AND WHAT A GREAT TIME THAT WILL BE!!

When did you notice that you were starting to love yourself more? Leave a comment below!

Train your Mind Muscles

Get out your mental rifle, and shoot down those negative thoughts as they appear.

This step is so important, which is why you will probably find me repeating it over several pages.

Think of yourself as a gun, with a trigger, loaded with unlimited bullets.
Throughout your day you may begin to notice that you’re thinking something,
and that it’s making you feel like crap, it’s making you sad, making you anxious,
making you not want to go out and socialise, maybe it makes you want to curl up in bed and not show your face..

You need to mentally pull your own trigger, and shoot down those nasty, negative thoughts. Bang. As soooon as they surface.
Why do these thoughts make us feel like this?

Because you are literally keeping them alive by feeding your thoughts subconsciously.

Maybe you don’t mean to.. maybe it just happens.. want to know why that is?
Because in the past, (or now) something has happened that has caused you to feel badly,
your brain remembers the bad thing that happened, and everything that is associated with it,
then when we are in this situation again, the same feelings come back,
and we start to think in the same ways simply because that is how we experienced it last time..

We LET ourselves get like that, we LET experiences and traumas affect us
( and unfortunately in some cases it is something people cannot move past
and end up experiencing Anxiety and Depression.. Read More..)

But if we don’t mean to do it, or be like this, or if we don’t mean to be
negative towards ourselves then how can we possibly stop it from happening?

Ah! See that’s where we go back up top, and read about our thought patterns and how we form habits from experiences.
Imagine this, I’m going to try and give you a mental picture here.. bare with me LOL

Imagine our thoughts are like tiny little seeds, we’re going to start with negative thoughts.

Once these negative thought seeds have been thought up,
that one seed breaks and scatters into thousands of tiny pieces of that one thought,
it pollutes and starts harvesting in our minds.
These seeds are being fed and spreading like a disease on a daily basis-
either by adding new negative self thoughts on top of them, or by searching
around your mind for the little fragments of past thoughts for something to grasp onto and form more seeds.
Make sense?

So pretty much, if you are talking to yourself negatively every day or frequently
then you are creating memories and negative thoughts.. things for you to draw off in times of mental crisis..
and of course your mind goes straight to those same thoughts and you panic or start feeling like cr*p.

Imagine we could turn this around and make it positive,
so that you have positive thoughts, memories and experiences in times of crisis or anxiety..
in the times we doubt ourselves, if we had a whole field full of wonderful thoughts to draw from..
wouldn’t that be a much better place to be?

Build those mental tools, build muscles in your mind,
build up a barrier that noone but you can access or break.
Set your boundaries, what thoughts will I allow and which I wont.
Which thoughts are healthy, affirming, and will help me be happy and positive?
Focus on those. You’re doing so great already.

Keep checking back or join my mailing list to be the first to know
when more self love/worth posts come in to help you on your journey!

Are you going to let your own opinion of yourself, make you feel miserable for the rest of your life?
Is that how you really want to live? No!

Start changing these thoughts today, these are the first steps to loving yourself, discovering yourself and your self worth.
What is self worth and what can I do about it?

I would love to hear your feedback, how has self talk helped you?
What methods of self talk do you use daily?
Maybe I’ve missed something and you’d like me to add it to help others!
You can get in touch here.

Join the movement, #youreworthit #selfworthissexy #worthitmovement
If you would like to be featured on the page as an advocate for self love/worth,
get in touch or simply send a photo of yourself to [email protected] to join the movement!

MWA

Self Talk and How It Helps You Understand Your ...


10 tips on How to be civil with your baby Mummy/Daddy.

Co-parenting 

Parenting has changed.

Having a happy, together family was always our number 1# goal.

Things don’t always go the way we expect them too.

Co-parenting is hard.

Especially if you and your baby mama/dada are struggling to get along.


Here are some wonderful tips that have personally helped me during my co-parenting journey over the last 7 years.



1-  Remember that your child is 1# priority. 

Simple, it’s not about you, it’s not about them. It’s about your little bundle/s of joy!

 

2- Remember that everything you do and say reflects onto your child.

What they see, hear and experience shapes them as a person and will show highly in their values as they get older.

3- Remember that fighting and arguing with the other parent is a no-no!

Conflict is something that children do not need to be exposed to.

Do you want your child to think it’s okay for them to speak to someone like that.. do you want them to think it’s okay to let others yell at them? No!

You have a miniature copy cat/s watching your every move. Fighting/arguing in front of the kids shows more about you than it does anything else, we know you care, but conveying it by yelling sends the opposite message to your child.

If you need to “chat”, do it outside or somewhere away from little ears.



4- Don’t speak badly about your child’s other parent no matter WHAT! 

This is probably one of the hardest things to deal with, especially if the other parent hasn’t been particularly nice to you or your child, it’s also very hard if they have rarely been present in your child’s life.

Children will soak up everything they hear, especially when it comes from your mouth. If you’re saying horrible things about someone they love it can be very stressful for children, it can ultimately ruin their relationship with the other parent.

No matter how bad you think your ex is, don’t.

Believe me when I say, when your child gets older they WILL know, they will see what you see, and they will see how much you have done for them and will follow in your footsteps. They will be capable of making their own choices and decisions in a few years so be prepared to step back and let them find their own way guided by the values you have role modelled for them.




5- Don’t talk about things that aren’t child related! 


I’ve seen many people who are civil with their ex, but it begins to become more complicated when other factors come into play, eg. New partners, friends, new things in your life, social media.. (tip- don’t have them on social media unless absolutely necessary).
If you don’t get along, that’s okay! Just keep the conversation based around your child and their needs.





6- Have a schedule/routine. 


This is very important and sticking to a schedule will help reduce any miss communications.

Have set times/days each week for the ex to call and speak to you or the child/ren, Stick to the schedule!

This goes both ways.

Don’t change plans last minute!

 


7 Have good communication. 


Very important! If you are struggling to be civil with the ex, it is always a great idea to have a mediator. In this situation a mediator could be a friend, sister, or parent who can mediate the conversation between both of the parents and they do all the face to face drop off’s to save confrontation.

This is an excellent idea if you feel you or the other person can’t control themselves. When and if you feel ready, sit down with that mediator and the other parent to discuss changing drop offs/communication if you’ve decided you can bare to start doing it without a mediator anymore.

8- Compromise.

This is also a very big factor, after all there is only one Christmas, Easter, and Birthday a year. This becomes difficult when parents are separated, even more so if the parents have new partners.
This can become up to 4-6 Christmas events for one child!
These times of year can be very stressful for a child, this is why it’s good to have that schedule set in.
When you make it, clearly work out and compromise with the other parent who will get to see the child on what days and times,
this saves conflict and confusion closer to the event.
Sometimes things come up, you may want to take a trip on the other parents weekend but you want to take your child..
just communicate, compromise and work something out that suits everybody. This goes both ways.

9- Don’t text! 


This was always one that personally got to me, when you’re texting someone it is so easy to read

a message wrong, or read the “tone” wrong, this can cause conflict between parents.

Don’t let them get away with, “I texted you two weeks ago!”.. If you need to organise things try and do it over the phone!

If you can’t do that, email is also good, remain civil, and don’t forget to keep the conversation based on the children.

10- Reflect.

Do I have a plan and schedule? 

What happens if we have an argument? What if my plans change? 

What if my child doesn’t want to

go to the other parents house? 

These are all things that are great to reflect on, what could I have done differently? What would make my

child the happiest? Have solutions to different situations so you can handle them if they arise. If all else fails, use a mediator!



Here are some great links for further information: 

Co-parenting: Getting the Balance right

Co-parenting: Michael Scott

Christina Milian: 5 Co-Parenting tricks I’ve learnt

Enjoy your child, understand that your love, security and support are most important to your child.


If you have any more co-parenting tips/advice/articles feel free to link them or get in contact!

Don’t forget to subscribe.


Mwa – Roses Paige

10 Tips on How To be Civil with your ...



You don't have to feel like this anymore.

Do you frequently hear yourself saying,

‘I’m Not Good Enough, Noone Will Ever Love Me, I’m so ugly!”..

Don’t ever let anyone tell you that you deserve less than you’re worth. THAT INCLUDES YOURSELF!

“Beauty thrives and blossoms within powerful women who understand that the only limits in life are the ones you’ve subconsciously created in your mind.”

It’s okay to have days where you dont ‘love yourself’.

In fact I think the “ultimate guides to happiness” are kind of skewed.

You can be ultimately happy, but let’s be honest, we ARE women….

There are going to be days when our hair looks crap or our makeup sweats off,

when our car breaks down or it’s getting to that time of the month and you just need one of those “feel sorry for myself” days.

Well here, we CELEBRATE these sorry days, because emotions are variable, your state of mind is able to change. And if we don’t feel upset sometimes, how can we measure our happiness?

It’s okay to have a day in bed in your trackies laying around eating icecream and drinking wine.

Accepting your self worth

When you value yourself as a person you disregard other peoples desire to change you,

the need to impress dissappears, the need to justify yourself and your actions.

You disregard the need to depend or rely on others, you become so much stronger and confident in yourself.

What have you noticed about people that are really happy and successful in their lives?

Well I have noticed that most of them, they know the value of themselves, they know their self worth,

they know what they have to offer to the world and are going out and getting it aren’t they?

Do you think they were always like that? You keep telling yourself

“nahh, but they are beautiful that’s why they’re successful, or they must’ve had a big inheritence, they look good so why wouldn’t they love themselves?”

Stop telling yourself that.

Do you think every successful, happy person has had an awesome life?

That none of them were ever bullied, raped, told they were ugly, felt self consious or low.. that none of them ever hit rock bottom or felt depression or anxiety.. that none of them were ever in a position where they thought they were worth nothing.. were dumped.. heart broken..

NO.

Everyone has been in the same situation as you probably are right now. Especially me!

You can own your self worth, you can be confident and love yourself, even if right now you don’t think you can.

“But how can I be happy when I don’t love myself?”

Answer these questions:

Why don’t you love yourself?

Are these opinions ones you have formed on your own, or from words or opinions of others?

Why do you have these opinions of yourself?

Has something happened in the past that has made you think or feel this way about yourself?

Can you remember a time when you felt really happy? When and why was that?

Do you constantly talk down on yourself when you look in the mirror or to your friends/family?

Do you spend hours over analyzing yourself or your body pointing out flaws you see?

Maybe you get upset because someone doesn’t like you or doesn’t want to be your friend because of how you look?

Maybe you’ve been stuck in a really bad relationship where you have been

treated like a piece of crap.. this can have a big impact on your self worth-

especially if it seems to have happened to you on more than one occasions.

It is so hard to build yourself back up once you have forgotten your self worth!

So so hard, and if you’re reading this I commend you because you’re doing the

right thing by looking up ways to improve your life!

Good job girl, this is what I’m here for.

Maybe you’ve had a family member or a friend tell you you’re not good enough,

or maybe they made you feel worthless.

Well despite that, it’s happened and where we are NOW is important.

I want you to forget the past, forget what’s happened to you, forget how you’ve been hurt, forget the negative thoughts for a second.

Focus on right now, now you are reading this, how are you feeling now?

Still worthless? Like nothing you read will help.. why are you here and reading this then?

Of course I’m going to be nice, but if I’m writing in capitals, I am trying to get a point across very much so,

and it may be because I might think you’re doubting yourself again.. and how do I know?

BECAUSE I HAVE 100% BEEN THERE BEFORE! SO STOP DOUBTING YOURSESLF AND START SOAKING THESE WORDS IN WOMAN!

If you are still doubting, stop, start being positive right now.

In your mind read this.. I mean it.. don’t skip it. Just read it and let it mull.

“I choose right now to take in these words, to believe the truth in them, that I am just starting my journey,
it is not going to be easy, I will doubt myself, I will have set backs, but when I feel myself start falling into old,
self destructive habits, I am going to replace them with good habits.
When I start criticising myself in the mirror, I will immediately recognise it and STOP.
I will tell myself I don’t have to think like that. I will replace it with a positive remark, I own my self worth.
I will not drag myself down, I am a good person, I will not let other people or my mind define who I am,
what I’m worth, or what I should be. I am in control of myself, my body, my mind, my actions, my thoughts,
and I choose to control them positively, I choose to not let negativity affect me. It may not happen straight away,
but I will keep repeating these things to myself until I know for a fact that they are true.”

 

Here’s where you get excited.. are you excited?

I’m actually grinning right now, knowing that if one single person reads this and sticks too it,

that they will be confident and know their value and self worth.. and that thought is so bloody

exciting because I tell ya, there is nothing more powerful than being in charge of yourself!

It is difficult to master, being confident without being overly confident,

I feel like I’m “pretending” to be confident sometimes (because I have always been self consious about my looks),

but I don’t care, you gotta have that attitude, the;

“Watch me live my life glamorously,

I don’t rely on or need anyone but myself.” Attitude.

You ARE worth it, and even if you don’t believe it yet.. atleast you know I do, I am gunning for you,

go out there and get what you deserve.

Small Steps, Big Changes.

Making small steps is what it’s all about, none of this TAKE THE LEAP crap.

Sometimes it’s appropriate to take a leap, but when it comes to your mind, your body,

and having control over yourself and your thoughts, you don’t really want to go all in if you’re terrified and it will set you back a few more weeks.

We can save the BIG LEAPS for later.

What Are Some Small Steps I can Take To Loving Myself?

1. Cut out the toxic, poisonous snakes in your life, they take you of track and sting you when you’re down.

2. Surround yourself with positivity, positive people who are moving forward in their own journey in life.

3. Surround yourself with love, with people who only want to uplift you, not drag you down!

4. Be around like-minded people who challenge and inspire you to be a better person in every area.

5. These people are GOLD, they will truly lend you a hand in your darkest days.

6. You deserve the best of friends, if they’re treating you otherwise, it might be time to #breakthoselinks

7. Trust yourself, you’re worth it.

Loving & Accepting Yourself

Accepting and loving yourself doesn’t always mean that you have to look

in the mirror and say “I’m beautiful” and start believing it..

though this does help.. I feel that accepting and loving yourself has

much more to do with who you are as a person than the way you look.

Looks aren’t everything, and if we were all stripped down to our personalities, how many friends do you think you would have?

 

I was thinking yesterday, what if there was no such thing as mirrors or reflections..

if we had never truly seen what we look like through another persons eyes, (just go with it), you would simply go off what other people tell you..

But how would you really know? You wouldn’t and I don’t think you would mind as much,

if you didn’t know, then it would be easier to form connections based on interests and

build strong friendships based on our personalities, wouldn’t that be nice.

You are so much more than your reflection in the mirror…

I have personally struggled with my image and body for a very long time, but in saying that

I completely love myself! I know I’m an awesome person! Because I choose to believe it.

I choose to be the way I am. I choose to live happily, I choose to love myself as a person.

Because if I don’t love who I am, I’m going to constantly second guess and doubt myself,

which will in turn present issues in relationships or friendships because I don’t

think I’m good enough or worth it.. That there might be someone better.

We need to learn things that are in our control and those which are not.

People is one of them.

Want to know what you can control?

You. Your mind. Your life. Your purpose. Your destiny.

Crazy right.. Who knew you were in charge of all of that.

But in saying that, we are also in control of what we say, what we put into our bodies, our actions.

So why are we obsessed with trying to change things that are out of our control?

Maybe we feel like we, ourselves, are not in control of our own lives.
Maybe your parents have rules on you, maybe other people outcast you in a friendship group and now you’re lonely..
or maybe something horrible happened in the past which forces you to constantly relive it and get down in the dumps.

 

See, this is where we need to see, that these last few things, are things that have happened

due to things that are out of our control- I.e being born into a family with protective parents,

the actions of so called “friends”.. we can’t change what others do.

But we can control how you react to the situation, what you say to your “Friends” in this situation,

how you speak to your parents or treat them, how you react when you’re frustrated or angry.

Self Control is a topic we can touch on later.

BEGINNING TO ACKNOWLEDGE HOW MUCH YOU’RE WORTH

When you acknowledge your self worth anyone who opposes you has already lost the war. It’s like fighting a losing battle.

Your armor is too thick, you are too strong to let anything penetrate that wall. When you start to believe it, and believe in yourself, others will too.

Everyday- we should be telling ourselves what we deserve in life, how you deserve to be treated, what you want out of life- go over your goals, how are you going to achieve the life you want?

Start planning today.

 

Want your picture to be featured on this page?

Send in a picture of yourself holding a sign or hastags #imworthit #worthitmovement #selfworthissexy

to [email protected] to be featured here.

Work together, help other women value themselves and learn that #selfworthissexy

Want to be part of the team? You can get in touch here :)!

MWA

 

 

I’m Not Good Enough, I’ll Never Be Loved or ...


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