10 Tips on How To be Civil with your Baby Mummy/Daddy.


10 tips on How to be civil with your baby Mummy/Daddy.

Co-parenting 

Parenting has changed.

Having a happy, together family was always our number 1# goal.

Things don’t always go the way we expect them too.

Co-parenting is hard.

Especially if you and your baby mama/dada are struggling to get along.


Here are some wonderful tips that have personally helped me during my co-parenting journey over the last 7 years.



1-  Remember that your child is 1# priority. 

Simple, it’s not about you, it’s not about them. It’s about your little bundle/s of joy!

 

2- Remember that everything you do and say reflects onto your child.

What they see, hear and experience shapes them as a person and will show highly in their values as they get older.

3- Remember that fighting and arguing with the other parent is a no-no!

Conflict is something that children do not need to be exposed to.

Do you want your child to think it’s okay for them to speak to someone like that.. do you want them to think it’s okay to let others yell at them? No!

You have a miniature copy cat/s watching your every move. Fighting/arguing in front of the kids shows more about you than it does anything else, we know you care, but conveying it by yelling sends the opposite message to your child.

If you need to “chat”, do it outside or somewhere away from little ears.



4- Don’t speak badly about your child’s other parent no matter WHAT! 

This is probably one of the hardest things to deal with, especially if the other parent hasn’t been particularly nice to you or your child, it’s also very hard if they have rarely been present in your child’s life.

Children will soak up everything they hear, especially when it comes from your mouth. If you’re saying horrible things about someone they love it can be very stressful for children, it can ultimately ruin their relationship with the other parent.

No matter how bad you think your ex is, don’t.

Believe me when I say, when your child gets older they WILL know, they will see what you see, and they will see how much you have done for them and will follow in your footsteps. They will be capable of making their own choices and decisions in a few years so be prepared to step back and let them find their own way guided by the values you have role modelled for them.




5- Don’t talk about things that aren’t child related! 


I’ve seen many people who are civil with their ex, but it begins to become more complicated when other factors come into play, eg. New partners, friends, new things in your life, social media.. (tip- don’t have them on social media unless absolutely necessary).
If you don’t get along, that’s okay! Just keep the conversation based around your child and their needs.





6- Have a schedule/routine. 


This is very important and sticking to a schedule will help reduce any miss communications.

Have set times/days each week for the ex to call and speak to you or the child/ren, Stick to the schedule!

This goes both ways.

Don’t change plans last minute!

 


7 Have good communication. 


Very important! If you are struggling to be civil with the ex, it is always a great idea to have a mediator. In this situation a mediator could be a friend, sister, or parent who can mediate the conversation between both of the parents and they do all the face to face drop off’s to save confrontation.

This is an excellent idea if you feel you or the other person can’t control themselves. When and if you feel ready, sit down with that mediator and the other parent to discuss changing drop offs/communication if you’ve decided you can bare to start doing it without a mediator anymore.

8- Compromise.

This is also a very big factor, after all there is only one Christmas, Easter, and Birthday a year. This becomes difficult when parents are separated, even more so if the parents have new partners.
This can become up to 4-6 Christmas events for one child!
These times of year can be very stressful for a child, this is why it’s good to have that schedule set in.
When you make it, clearly work out and compromise with the other parent who will get to see the child on what days and times,
this saves conflict and confusion closer to the event.
Sometimes things come up, you may want to take a trip on the other parents weekend but you want to take your child..
just communicate, compromise and work something out that suits everybody. This goes both ways.

9- Don’t text! 


This was always one that personally got to me, when you’re texting someone it is so easy to read

a message wrong, or read the “tone” wrong, this can cause conflict between parents.

Don’t let them get away with, “I texted you two weeks ago!”.. If you need to organise things try and do it over the phone!

If you can’t do that, email is also good, remain civil, and don’t forget to keep the conversation based on the children.

10- Reflect.

Do I have a plan and schedule? 

What happens if we have an argument? What if my plans change? 

What if my child doesn’t want to

go to the other parents house? 

These are all things that are great to reflect on, what could I have done differently? What would make my

child the happiest? Have solutions to different situations so you can handle them if they arise. If all else fails, use a mediator!



Here are some great links for further information: 

Co-parenting: Getting the Balance right

Co-parenting: Michael Scott

Christina Milian: 5 Co-Parenting tricks I’ve learnt

Enjoy your child, understand that your love, security and support are most important to your child.


If you have any more co-parenting tips/advice/articles feel free to link them or get in contact!

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Mwa – Roses Paige

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