What the hell is self talk?
Self talk is a proven way to help you overcome bad habits or
thought patterns that are currently affecting our mood and our lives.
Does self talk work?
When I first discovered self talk I thought it was a load of rubbish,
and was set off to start fixing my life by buying things I wanted,
or things that made me look and feel better.. but then I’d look in the mirror
and go BLERGH YUCK WHAT IS THIS ABOMINABLE CREATURE?! I’d then go off about my
day worrying about how I looked or what people thought of me simply because
I didn’t like what I saw, I re confirmed it by thinking it in my mind,
and then acted upon that each and every day.
Do you do this?
It’s such a vicious cycle and we get sucked into it so easily,
for example the famous “Mean Girls”.. “My pores are huge.. I have really bad breath in the morning”..
We as women (males too) constantly criticise ourselves over what? Media?
Pictures of models or a “normal body” we criticise ourselves over being
a good girlfriend or wife – I’m not good enough, they don’t love me..
by comparing ourselves to what we see others do or people that have it good “online”.
This is all we see, because it is all we WANT to see.
What if you changed the way you thought..
How do you feel when a friend of yours who is pretty and skinny says
“ew I look gross today, or my tummy is so big”.. you give them a death stare.
Why? Because you don’t believe what they’re saying.. did you get mad at them?
“Oh p*ss off, you’re so skinny I’d kill to look like you”..
We need to stop this. It is so poisonous and we are ALL guilty of it.
There is a difference that we need to be careful of though,
there are people who will complain about themselves simply for attention
(yes, it’s true), sometimes it’s nice to hear compliments from people when
you are feeling down about yourself, sometimes you just need an affirmation that you look good.
And then there are the people who actually in their own minds, do not own themselves,
they do not believe or love themselves, they do not see their true inner beauty,
and they definitely don’t see how beautiful and lucky they are to be given this
wonderful opportunity to make a life for themselves!
I used to struggle with it a lot. My personal experiences (that will come out through posts eventually)
really affected me, or rather I let them affect me, and I continued to feed the negative self thoughts,
without realising it would make it so much harder to back track and change those habits in the future.
Well now I’m there.. 10+ years later, and only over the past few years ( about ¾ years ago)
I decided to change everything, and find myself, find my self worth again and start from scratch.
Let me tell you it was scary, and hard, and I had fall backs and set backs thrown at me like you
wouldn’t believe. But through it all, here I am. Still fighting, still loving myself and
telling myself daily what I’m worth, and not accepting anything less.
It’s all a state of mind, and the earlier you realise it the better.
If you’re doubting this while reading right now then hopefully I’m pointing
out right now another of your negative habits, looking for help and denying
it or rejecting it before actually putting in 100% effort.
If you are, STOP doing it, replace it RIGHT NOW with,
“I recognise right now that I am thinking negatively and having lots of doubt in myself
being able to achieve this.. BUT I choose to start believing, I choose to start being positive,
I choose to make a change, I choose to let this all soak in, I choose to TRY and start affirming
myself positively and changing my thoughts. I WANT to be free, I WANT control over myself,
I WANT to be happy, I WANT to love what I see in the mirror everyday and I WILL”.
Self help tips and excercises.
Self talk is initially about listening: listen to yourself, what are you telling yourself daily?
What thoughts are you processing and why? Are they positive or negative?
Girl, you have so much power in your mind, you just need to tap into it to get started.
Really think about it, and eventually you will start to notice that you do these
things and have negative thoughts a lot of the time for different things.
If you notice them start to write them down in a journal.
For each negative I want you to write a polar opposite, something to be positive about,
or change the words around- make them pro-active thoughts.
Example: “I hate the way I look in shorts”… Why? What can you do about it?
“I am not happy with the way I look in shorts because I think my legs are huge,
so from now on I can accept that as a part of me and decide to be happy
and settle, or I can change it, and start going for a 10 minute walk a day…”
“I hate my hair”.. why? What are you going to do about it? “I hate my hair so
I’m going to look up styles to fix and try something new.. but I don’t have money…
but I will not let this barrier stop me, I can ask friends to help me fix up my hair..
or start saving up to get a colour”…
Instead of focusing on the negative, focus on the things you can do to change it into a positive..
Not so hard when you read it huh?
Seem silly? NO, STOP!
Start affirming yourself daily
Whatever your goal is, you need to identify it.
Whether it’s “love myself ultimately” or “make the most out of life” or maybe it’s just
that you want to “start my journey to finding myself and being positive about my image slowly”..
Whatever your chosen goal, you need to start positively affirming yourself in regards to that.
Example: I want to accept my looks or love my looks- your positive affirmation
for the day would be something like
“I am a beautiful person on the inside and out,
I am going to start loving myself, and appreciating myself for who I am as a person.
Though I may not see my true beauty myself, I am starting to accept that I am me and I love me.”
You can even start with something very simple- “Today I am going to look at myself in the mirror,
and say, you are beautiful, you are in control of YOU”.
You may not believe it at first, but that’s okay!
It does seem silly, and make sure no one sees you doing it or they may
be scared off (hehe), you don’t even have to say it out loud!
Try starting with one affirmation a day, you can also try writing it all out. (Writing helps me loads!)
Each day gradually build up your self talk, you will notice over time that your self talk goes from specific things,
and as you begin to love and accept yourself, your positive self talk gets shorter and shorter and more generalised ..
because you’ve learnt to let go of things that are negative, and focus on the positives in life.
AND WHAT A GREAT TIME THAT WILL BE!!
When did you notice that you were starting to love yourself more? Leave a comment below!
Train your Mind Muscles
Get out your mental rifle, and shoot down those negative thoughts as they appear.
This step is so important, which is why you will probably find me repeating it over several pages.
Think of yourself as a gun, with a trigger, loaded with unlimited bullets.
Throughout your day you may begin to notice that you’re thinking something,
and that it’s making you feel like crap, it’s making you sad, making you anxious,
making you not want to go out and socialise, maybe it makes you want to curl up in bed and not show your face..
You need to mentally pull your own trigger, and shoot down those nasty, negative thoughts. Bang. As soooon as they surface.
Why do these thoughts make us feel like this?
Because you are literally keeping them alive by feeding your thoughts subconsciously.
Maybe you don’t mean to.. maybe it just happens.. want to know why that is?
Because in the past, (or now) something has happened that has caused you to feel badly,
your brain remembers the bad thing that happened, and everything that is associated with it,
then when we are in this situation again, the same feelings come back,
and we start to think in the same ways simply because that is how we experienced it last time..
We LET ourselves get like that, we LET experiences and traumas affect us
( and unfortunately in some cases it is something people cannot move past
and end up experiencing Anxiety and Depression.. Read More..)
But if we don’t mean to do it, or be like this, or if we don’t mean to be
negative towards ourselves then how can we possibly stop it from happening?
Ah! See that’s where we go back up top, and read about our thought patterns and how we form habits from experiences.
Imagine this, I’m going to try and give you a mental picture here.. bare with me LOL
Imagine our thoughts are like tiny little seeds, we’re going to start with negative thoughts.
Once these negative thought seeds have been thought up,
that one seed breaks and scatters into thousands of tiny pieces of that one thought,
it pollutes and starts harvesting in our minds.
These seeds are being fed and spreading like a disease on a daily basis-
either by adding new negative self thoughts on top of them, or by searching
around your mind for the little fragments of past thoughts for something to grasp onto and form more seeds.
So pretty much, if you are talking to yourself negatively every day or frequently
then you are creating memories and negative thoughts.. things for you to draw off in times of mental crisis..
and of course your mind goes straight to those same thoughts and you panic or start feeling like cr*p.
Imagine we could turn this around and make it positive,
so that you have positive thoughts, memories and experiences in times of crisis or anxiety..
in the times we doubt ourselves, if we had a whole field full of wonderful thoughts to draw from..
wouldn’t that be a much better place to be?
Build those mental tools, build muscles in your mind,
build up a barrier that noone but you can access or break.
Set your boundaries, what thoughts will I allow and which I wont.
Which thoughts are healthy, affirming, and will help me be happy and positive?
Focus on those. You’re doing so great already.
Keep checking back or join my mailing list to be the first to know
when more self love/worth posts come in to help you on your journey!
Are you going to let your own opinion of yourself, make you feel miserable for the rest of your life?
Is that how you really want to live? No!
Start changing these thoughts today, these are the first steps to loving yourself, discovering yourself and your self worth.
What is self worth and what can I do about it?
I would love to hear your feedback, how has self talk helped you?
What methods of self talk do you use daily?
Maybe I’ve missed something and you’d like me to add it to help others!
You can get in touch here.
Join the movement, #youreworthit #selfworthissexy #worthitmovement
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get in touch or simply send a photo of yourself to [email protected] to join the movement!